As the dust has settled following President Obama’s not quite State of the Union Address and the subsequent Republican self-defenestration, it appears that a new order has taken hold in the DC corridors of power. On the one one hand we have Kenneth, I mean Bobby, and his earnest yet misguided attempts at speaking truth to power:
…while on the other we have the perpetual outcasts, the “Defeat-ocrats,” the party of Mondale, in the ascendancy, finally sitting courtside as the cool kids are wont to do:
But, you’re probably asking yourself, what does this mean for me, a baseball loving, god fearing, jerky chewing, rough living SOB? Well, I’ll tell you what it means. It means it’s time to hit as many Nationals’ games as possible in hopes of sending our Commander in Chief a Ben’s half-smoke with all the fixin’s. And that ain’t no euphemism. The man has taste.
It’s still early in Spring Training but so far the Cardinals are
looking as rough as you thought they might. Similarly, the great
non-white hope of the Republican party, Bobby Jindal, faltered
astonishingly in his first nationwide address the other night, drawing
unfavorable comparisons with Kenneth the Page, a character on 30 Rock.
If you had to make one of these two the next President and the other
one would then become the new GM of the Cardinals, which way would you
Let me tell you a story…
There once was a Republican. He wasn’t white. He was the governor of Louisiana. As if that wasn’t exciting enough, one day, after the non-white president from Chicago by way of Kansas, Indonesia and Hawaii gave a stirring speech to a bunch of cranky, old white guys, this clever governor from Louisiana (let’s call him Bobby Jindal) gave a sing-songy speech soiled with serendipitous condescension better fit for an audience of preschoolers. But this Republican had guile. He had wit. He had an unparalleled pep of awkward confidence. In fact, he was so bold that he touted the strengths of the Republican party in the same breath as mentioning Hurricane Katrina.
Okay, so that story means very little in the grand scheme of things, right? I understand the need to put a fresh, young, non-white face on the identity of the GOP, but shouldn’t someone be responsible for helping Jindal become that — mold him, teach him, brief him — rather than just throwing him into an awkward circumstance unprepared?
As Mr. Krause mentioned, Jindal is now drawing comparisons to NBC’s 30 Rock character, Kenneth the Page, and for good reason. They are both scrawny, bubbly, out-of-touch persons who tend to smile and giggle a lot while making everyone around them extremely uncomfortable.
Verily! Republicans have a long way to go…
But the question was asked: if I had to make one of these characters the next president and one the new GM of the Cardinals, which way would I arrange them?
First off, Kenneth the Page, while quite similar to Jindal in speech and performance, might be more accurately compared to our last president, GW Bush. Both seem aloof, unregulated and the benefactors of nepotism. Based on that, I would throw the ball to Jindal, hope for the best and not read a newspaper for four years.
Meanwhile, after being brutally victimized by John Mozeliak’s micromanaging to the tune of hope, wait and see baseball, how much worse could Kenneth the Page really be in the Cardinals front office?
Not since the early 90s have I been so void of confidence going into the season. Mozeliak is putting a lot of pressure on the young kids and if they cannot perform, Redbird fans (me included) will be found in sewers and sinkholes all across this nation muttering expletives to themselves and wishing for a new GM.
If Kenneth the Page is available, we’ll take him.
Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.