That’s exactly what my socially fledgling and oft baseball addled colleague, Mr. Allen Krause, did over the weekend. With this one simple quote…
With the lineup they have at the plate and a ridiculous cast of pitchers, the pennant is theirs to lose. But lose it they will.
…Mr. Krause ignited the unbridled anger of Bombers fans across US America. For example:
Some troll who goes by “kb24” commented:
“Jeff Lung and Allen Krause are f***** a** losers! Have fun when the
Yankees win the World Series a**holes!”
“So, the Yankees will lose again, like they always do? You should
probably follow roller derby, or another sport with a shallow
history…where people who write Blogs don’t have to know that the team
they are calling “losers” are the winningest team in sports history.”
Hey dude, how’d you know Al loves roller derby? I am quite pleasantly surprised you had the time to investigate this little nugget of fact after your demanding schedule of Erin Andrews stalking. Keep up the good fight!
And then, a guy (I assume it’s a guy, or perhaps a three-toed sloth who lives off Monster Energy Drink, ramen noodles and goodnight kisses from Mommy) who goes by Lukepiewalker121 emailed us with this quip of superior baseball knowledge:
“Ha, say what you want about the Yankees choking in past years. We live
in the present not the past. Go cry your butt off when they win the
World Series and A-Rod wins MVP of World Series now that he doesn’t
have all the pressure with Teixeira with him . . . . . loser live in
the present not the past!”
Now, now, Lukepiewalker121@aim.com, let’s not be so vicious in our ill thought retorts, shall we? First of all, who the hell uses AIM anymore? This ain’t 2003, buddy! Join the living! Stop — as you say — LIVING IN THE PAST! Once you take your own advice and stop living in the past, I assume you and and your Yankee-lovin’ brethren will kindly stop reminding me and everyone else who has any aural abilities whatsoever that your beloved Bombers are the “winningest team in sports history” because, well, y’see, those 26 trophies are all in the past, pal. Them days is over. Move on. Indeed, Lukepiewalker121, we live in the Yankees-Tend-To-Overpay-Free-Agents-and-Blow-It-In-the-Playoffs-Era; and just in case you haven’t noticed, the Yanks have been doing plenty of playoff choking in recent years, which is why my colleague made the brash statement that he did in the first place.
And know that I don’t always (or ever) agree with Mr. Krause, but in this case, he makes a valid (albeit sloppy) point. If the Yanks follow their recent history, they’re due to disappoint.
So, my dear Yankee fan readers, I will bare the olive branch with this bit of truce:
If the Yankees do win the World Series, I will take Lukepiewalker121’s advice and “cry my butt off”.
Hate me ‘cuz I unravel the reasoning behind the phrase Evil Empire, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right… if ya don’t believe me, ask cubluvr1995, the last childish, ranting, wrathful dear reader to bite the proverbial RSBS dust.
Ordinarily, this would be the time I start complaining about the Cardinals’ inevitable decline from post-season contention, or the neck-and-neck battle of the AL Central or better yet: the inherent hypocrisies of the Christian Right. All of the above warrant extensive coverage, but today, something else has caught my attention and I’d like to share it with you, dear readers.
Have you seen the Tribune today? If not, go get one and turn to the front page of the Tempo section. I read that this morning and swore I’d heard that before. Then I realized that I read it on your blog a while ago. Do you remember that? Can’t seem to find the article now but I know I read it there somewhere. I work next to the Tribune. Should I go over there and break someone’s legs?
Oak Park, IL”
Why, thank you, T.J. for having the guile to confront the big whigs who actually get paid to write about baseball. Thank you too for volunteering some muscle for the good RSBS fight. It is much appreciated.
If You Show Up to a Sox Game in 2008 Wearing an Albert Belle, Ray Durham or Sammy Sosa Jersey, You Are NOT Cool:
Seriously, folks. Let’s be real. And no, a Scott Podsednik jersey is not acceptable
either. You want a sure thing? Go for a Hall of Famer or a retired
jersey. Baines, Fisk, Minoso, Aparicio. Heck, go for Dye or Jenks
right now (in 2008), but buyer beware…
Admittedly, this small blurb in a post with many other small blurbs hardly makes a case for plagiarism. In fact, the real debate on this topic took place in the comments section, not the post itself. I should also point out that the nature of the article, while very similar to the tone and theme of my post, did have its own unique spin accompanied by interviews and images independent of mine. Of course, given that the Tribune has a bigger budget than I — because I don’t have one at all — I am inclined to think that this fun little article is similar to mine only by chance.
However, just to be sure, I did have my army of technocrats go back and check the viewing activity of that post and in doing so they found several hits with long, extended pageviews stemming from an IP address associated with the Tribune building.
It’s flattering to know that my posts are being read by major media corporations. I find it uplifting that my work may inspire others to explore similar creative themes. I enjoy entertaining the idea that my posts may influence paid writers to put food on the table.
At the same time, I also think credit should be given where credit is due. No, T.J., I don’t think this is a case of plagiarism per se: the general idea of the post has certainly been circulating among the kitchen tables, bars and ballparks of our great nation ever since jerseys became a popular baseball fashion statement.
But considering the timing of the Trib’s article (compiled by one Michael Pasternak) in accordance with my post, not to mention the myriad suspect hits coming from 435 North Michigan Ave., I gotta go there and send a great big old RSBS Eat it! to the Chicago Tribune.
Maybe Jay Mariotti was right. Perhaps newspapers are dead. And in the afterlife, they just peruse the blogosphere stealing story ideas…
Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
As has happened in years past, the trade deadline frenzy wore me out and left me for dead. With all the craziness around the league where names like Bay, Ramirez, Griffey, Teixeira, Rodriguez and Farnsworthless are changing into new uniforms, I’m not sure how I should feel. I know I don’t feel good; but I suppose when it’s all said and done, life could be a lot worse.
Take the Cubs for example. Having just swept the Brewers, they’re sitting pretty right now atop the NL Central, owning what could be the best starting rotation — thanks to the acquisition of Rich Harden — in the league, yet their fans — frenzied to the max — are out beating up Brewers fans in Milwaukee, bludgeoning Sox fans at little kids’ birthday parties, and writing me continuously obscene hate mail like this:
“…f***in cards s*** no trade no bullpen izzringnhausen is worhtless peace of s*** you f***ing s***hole who wont right me back but you prolly scared coz i put you inyour f***in place you b****. pujols willl prolly break his face from being on such a s****y team. you think ur so hot stuff wel ur not so you can eat a big fat d*** you f** b**** cubs rule sox s*** cards dead…”
— firstname.lastname@example.org, July 31, 2008
That sure is some way to express one’s excitement regarding his team’s chances as we get into the latter two months of the season. Now don’t get me wrong, when the Cardinals or the Sox do well, there’s nothing that makes me feel better than going out and beating the living snot out of a guy or better yet, writing incoherent expletive-ridden emails from the safe anonymity of my mom and dad’s basement. The difference is: I’m way cool about it.
But the senseless beatings of non-Cub supporters are not that important in the grand scheme of the world. We US Americans have a decision to make soon; and the way things stand now, that decision won’t be too difficult.
Recently, Senator John McCain, finally cognizant of the fact that he is about as camera-friendly as a seventy year old scab, hit the airwaves with a new attack ad relating Barack Obama’s popularity of Hope politics to the flagrant shenanigans of infamous celebrities Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. Uh, yeah. They’re like one in the same. I can hardly tell the difference. Shall we?
Yes, it’s clearly obvious to all who have eyes that Obama’s appeal carries the same sentiment and clamor that comes with these two lovely ladies and their raucous good looks.
Thank you, John McCain, for taking the time to educate me on this issue. I’m sure that there is nothing more important you or your campaign could be working on right now what with two wars and an economic crisis being such minor inconveniences.
Dear readers, this odd political angle of strategizing towards the completely ignorant is a bit tired. This cries out that McCain has lost whatever semblance of an edge he might’ve had at one time and therefore, his message has become stale, moot, boring.
May I propose a trade? Would anyone mind if the GOP pulled out a Manny-like deal and traded John McCain and Rick Davis for Ron Paul? Sounds like a pretty good deal to me. Paul is a hard-lined Libertarian-rooted Republican who actually represents the conservative ideals of eradicating Big Government; he also uses the “R” word with conviction and is just as tired of the sickening state of US America as you and I are. He’s a funny guy — even charming to some degree — and most of all, he would make this race (which, has already become more boring than Clinton v. Dole ’96) an exciting one to watch.
Is it too much to ask the GOP to make this necessary move? We can extend the deadline… push back the convention if we need to… just this once. Let’s do it! I believe that US Americans deserve a good, entertaining political fight and just think of how fun it would be to see Ron Paul and Barack Obama debate the finer points of smoking weed. Heck, they might even end up agreeing on something!
And that, dear readers, would be a beautiful thing.
Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
As a man of the People, I am not adverse to opening up myself to the other side — to hear what the opposition has to say, to understand their positions and to really look at the world from their points of view. This willingness towards transparency is a fundamental step in creating good policy; and quite frankly, such idealistic strides are what makes being an US American so special.
That being said, even I have my limits. Rude, callous and hurtful remarks defaming my dear mother are not only uncalled for, they’re sophomoric and as I have said here before, I refuse to acknowledge any like correspondences.
Well, finally, this freakazoid (who won’t tell me his name) left my mother out of his hateful emails, so I thought, why not post some snippets here to show the dear readers just what kind of nutcase I have to deal with on a daily basis. He hides behind a computer, masked by the interweb; I know him only as:
…and he is absolutely chock full of misguided wrath.
Again, I receive a lot of hate mail; and that’s totally fine. I enjoy it — welcome it actually — but this guy is so off-the-charts that I might sleep better if he just disappeared. In fact, this vigilante posting of mine is done in part because I’d like to leave a record of his nastiness — just in case I happen to disappear myself.
Remember, this is just a small sampling. I have edited nothing accept expletives (there are a lot, so hang in there) and though I may have taken some liberties in what sections I’ve shared below, I assure you nothing has been added or deleted that would distort the integrity or purpose of the emails themselves.
– – –
Monday, June 30, 2008
“…Why dont you write me back you f****** ***hole? You know the cubs will kill you guys in any day or time. you dont even know how to write man prolly coz your a b*****. i bet you cry in your bed at night wishin you had something to look forward to haha lol or are you just another f****** f*g like all the other cardnl fans i know…”
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
“…hey f** boy f*** you and f*** albert pujols. pooholes. lol what a f****** f****t name in the first place you peace of s***. no one reads your f****** blog coz its stupid and dumb and you dont even know how to write it. i rotfl coz every time i think about how jthe cardnals s**k so bad i think your prolly crying about it like a little b****…”
Thursday, July 3, 2008
“something we can all appreciate? im a stats guy and i know that you cant even tell the diffrence between a f****** win and a loss. when was the last time the sox even won a world series? so what the cards won one f****** time this decade. you f*g* and b*****s are sox fans thats why no one goes to the games coz their scared to see them and gangbangers all at the sox park. and albert pujols is a juicer too and you know it if you dont say you do you lie like you do every day on your stupid retarded blog. everyone knows it why do you think they are behind the cubs now. i can prolly kick your a** so just do it. you wanna throw? come to division and clybourn any day of the week and meet a real f****** man!!! hahaahha. prolly couldnt find it write if u wanted to. i f****** hate s***for brains cardinal fans. especially you do you even know the cubs are in first or yare you blind. right. cant read ib et too. if the world series was today who woudl f****** be there? if its today we already won the whole f****** thing your prolly crying like a b****!!! id burn you and you cant stop it!!!!!”
Sunday, July 6, 2008
“hahahhahah. number five my a**. whod you hafta bl** to get that you b****. like anybody even reads your blog what a stupid belief. mr. this and mr. that you think you oh so f****** tough and smart you say but you say it like f****** peace of s*** and well your not smart and i would beat the s*** out of you for the stupid things you say which arent even true…”
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
“lol that you could even think about getting erin andrews you b**** theres no way shed go for you who wares f****** glasses. you think you know what to even do with a girl like that you think she wants to here your stupid f****** bulls*** p**** *ss stories that arent even true? your righting is not even as good as f****** kid could do it. when lou gets his ring again its not gonna just be one lame *ss ring like boozer larussa who got drunk and drove a car and fell asleep like the b**** he is lou will get back to back to back rings at least and thats if z leaves. if he stays then you can bet we will get even more and youll be crying like the b**** you are f*g bob howry would kill you with his fastball and i know for f******* sure coz he knows me from mesa every year i go he saw me at applebees and talked so f*** you and there i told you you dont know s*** about baseball…”
– – –
So there you have it, folks. A brief snapshot of the lovely, uplifting, always poetic words from cubluvr1995. My best guess makes him a pimply faced, braces-wearing, fat kid who has no life outside of Halo, X-men comics and Red Bull.
Maybe now that I’ve acknowledged his “grievances” and shared them with the public, he’ll finally leave me alone.
But I am prepared that he probably won’t. He hates me. He hates because he knows I’m right… and it’s killing him.
We, the editors (Allen and I) receive a lot of hate mail at Red State Blue State. The majority of said hate mail comes from disgruntled Cub fans who are disturbed by the gospel spread across these pages regarding their hapless team, propensity for drunkeness and overall distorted world view. These expletive-filled rants are, for the most part, unsuitable for a family viewing audience and that is why they remain unposted. Until you can learn to express your thoughts without verbally abusing my mother they will remain that way.
Of course, we also receive hate mail from readers who are tired of seeing so much blog space wasted on the Tigers — a team destined for ultimate failure in what was supposed to be a cakewalk to the championship. For this, I feel your pain, dear readers. Perhaps Mr. Krause should think about starting an NHL or NBA blog for Hockeytown so Detroit suburbanites don’t feel so bad about the city they pretend doesn’t exist. Just a thought.
Despite the influx of hateful emails filling up our inbox, one recent, well-crafted letter caught my attention and I feel it is worthy of being addressed. After my post entitled Don’t Look Right, where I finished by citing a few images of juxtaposition, I received a thoughtful, inspiring letter from an avid RSBS reader:
“Dear Mr. Lung,
As a person who tries every day to expose himself to new and unexplored avenues
of life I do my best to stay up to date on your baseball blog. While not
a baseball fan myself, the witty and comical retorts that I read in your words
every week are enough to keep me coming back for more exposure to a world I
would normally not be a part of. I was especially moved by your last
piece on “Don’t Look Right”. I found your list of oddities very
compelling and I wished that you had expounded on your list of things that,
although are acceptable, just don’t look right. A possessed child, a
basketball player on the wrong team, and boys kissing boys were a few mentions
on your list. Here are a few other ideas that you may want to add to your
list of things that are “ok”, but “just don’t look right”:
1. Black people walking around shackle-free
2. Mexicans on University campuses
3. Women voting
4. Recovering drug addicts not living under bridges
5. Cab drivers who are good people, not just unemployed terrorists
6. Colombians who are not members of a drug cartel
7. People from Quincy [Illinois] with
These are just an assortment of items that once upon time were practically
accepted as fact, yet today they find themselves in the dustbin of obscurity.
And this dustbin of obscurity is exactly where I plan to put your last
I would point out that even though you may find two men, of whatever
relationship, in baseball uniforms kissing on the mouth something that’s
“ok” but “just doesn’t look right” an acceptable thing to
say on a baseball blog, I take issue with it. Even if you dare suggest
that one of the two men kissing is “the most macho stereotypical
dude” in an attempt to qualify your statement, your idea is not made more
palatable. The notion that gay men are mincing fairies who operate at
only the extremes of male femininity is akin to the notion that all black men
are lazy, shiftless products of welfare. Although both descriptions can
be applied to some of the members of each group, it does not apply to the
majority, nor does it define a reasonable understanding of either
minority. Gay men who operate just as straight men do are everywhere
these days, mostly because they have come out of hiding since the once popular
opinion that gay men are all sissies has since become antiquated. It
should be noted that now-a-days gay men play sports. They play baseball,
like Billy Bean. They play basketball, like John Amaechi.
They play football, like Esera Tuaolo and David Kopay. They play
lacrosse, like Andrew Goldstein. Simply put, they are in every sport;
they always have been. And none of them are the sissies and gallivanting
qu**rs that seem to occupy your understanding of what “does look
right” when two men kiss. You can even step outside of the sports
world and still come across gay men who act just like you. Neil Patrick
Harris of Doogie Hauser…..not an effeminate man. T.R. Knight of Greys
Anatomy….also, justa regular guy. They are guys, fellas, buds,
bros, just like every other man in the world. Their lives aren’t defined
by gay stereotypes and ideas that if they kiss another man, especially in a
sports setting, that it “just doesn’t look right.”
It’s 2008 Mr. Lung. What “don’t look right” today is your
– – – – – – – – –
For the record, we the editors at Red State Blue State, have responded to Mr. Meyer with our sincerest apologies. No offense was ever meant by suggesting Ozzie Guillen looks a little off kissing a young boy on the lips. Thanks to this letter, I realize that if I really am the progressive, forward-thinking academic I say I am, this shouldn’t bother me. Perhaps (and it kills me to say it) my view could even be considered ‘wrong’.
For this I am sorry.
Mr. Meyer, for your actions of promoting a more sound, accepting and loving community of baseball fans willing to open up to the ever-changing world around them, we at Red State Blue State will be sending you an “I Hate Bill O’Reilly” t-shirt, free of charge.
Wear it proud.
Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right… and if you do (Cub fans), learn how to write and formulate your thoughts using cohesive language that wouldn’t be replaced by a series of asterisks by the good people at MLBlogs.