Tagged: Lions

RSBS Presents: How to Know When You’re in Detroit

After a smoking start to the second half, the Tigers have seen their fortunes wane.  Ok, they’ve sucked.  Sure, they’re only a couple games behind the White Sox but when you’re playing in a division as bad as the AL Central, that’s not really saying a whole lot.  Detroit could still make the playoffs and even if they don’t, it’s probably still safe to say that they’re the best team in the Central.  That being said, Detroit has become known for quite a few things as of late but they don’t tend to be baseball related.

If the Tigers do make the postseason, you may find yourself in the position of visiting Windsor’s American cousin sometime this fall.  And although Detroit does have a few well-known monuments like the giant tire and the River Rouge plant, it’s easy to find yourself wondering where you are.  Since we here at RSBS would hate for you to be unaware of where you are, today we provide you with guide to identifying that you have arrived to Detroit.

ZOMBIES

Well, not yet.  But if Mark Siwak gets his way, Detroit may soon be known for its roaming zombie hoards.  This isn’t all bad as the plan could provide a boost to the city’s GDP.  It could also increase the city’s DNA with all those body parts strewn about.

WILD DOGS

The most successful cities develop clusters that support and develop the culture and economy of an urban area.  London and New York are known for their clusters of financial whizzes while the area around San Francisco has developed a reputation for tech know-how and venture capital.  Detroit?  Well, it has clusters, too.  Clusters of feral dogs.  Chances are that if you are attacked by a pack of wild dogs in a major US city, it’s pretty safe to assume that you’re in Detroit.

HOPE

Despite everything else, Detroit has become somewhat unrecognizable as of late due to the arrival of something more foreign than zombies or wild dogs.  Hope.  The auto industry received a bail-out just when it seemed that Detroit’s last economic life-line was being cut.  The University of Michigan not only had a winning football season but also managed to beat Ohio State for the first time in seven years.  And the Detroit Lions, the holders of the only 0-16 record in NFL history, actually made the playoffs last year.  That’s even more hope-y and change-y than Barack Obama.

Hopefully we’ll see you in Detroit this fall for some postseason baseball.  If so, you’ll now be able to come prepared to identify where you are.

-A

What Detroit Can Teach Us

“Ideology is just a pejorative word for principles in which you happen not to believe.”

The Economist, 11 February 2012

Ideology colors everything.  For the dyed-in-the-wool conservative, Obama’s healthcare plan is a socialist plot that threatens the very foundation of the United States.  For the liberal, it’s a half-assed compromise that sells out to big business and especially insurance companies.  In reality, it’s the first step toward reining in out of control healthcare spending that simultaneously provides a laughable level of actual service.

And ideology goes further than that, filtering everything through a lens of principles and beliefs.  This is fine to a certain extent when the debate is constructive and leads to better proposals and more responsive policies.  But when ideology goes too far, it leads to a total lack of common sense.

For instance, take the uproar over Chrysler’s Super Bowl ad.  Setting aside the fact that Clint Eastwood is apolitical at best, it’s hard to see how this car ad could be taken as anything but a commentary on the tough economic conditions Americans have faced over the past few years and how Chrysler wants them to know that they went through the same thing.  Look at it again:

Me, I see a pretty darn effective car commercial.  But conservatives see a hidden campaign for Obama’s re-election while liberals interpret it as anti-union.  It makes me wonder what they’d see in last year’s Chrysler Super Bowl commercial:

Xenophobia?  Racism?  Socialism?

Here’s what I think.  Detroit is a metaphor for America.  And Detroit has had a rough decade.  But Detroit hasn’t given up.  Look at the Tigers and Lions.  Look at the new line of Fords.  Hell, look at what Chrysler is turning out.  That, my friends, has nothing to do with ideology.  It has everything to do with inspiration.

-A

Feeling Giddy

He’s larger than life.  He’s estranged from his father.  He could possibly eat his body weight in donuts.  And he’s all ours!

Detroit has fallen in love with Prince Fielder and it seems like the feeling is mutual.  Me?  I couldn’t be happier.  One of the happiest memories of my childhood was watching Prince’s daddy crush a ball that flew out of old Tiger Stadium, right over me, my brother and my dad.  You don’t forget that kind of thing.  And now we can go relive it in Comerica Park with Prince doing the honors.  It just feels right.

At the same time, I’m a little worried.  The baseball world hasn’t been this giddy about the Tigers since 2008 when they were shoo-ins to win the World Series.  Shoo-ins, that is, until they ended up falling flat on their face right out of the gate.  This team is too good to fail but, well, if there’s anything we’ve learned in the past few years it’s that nothing is too anything to fail.

All that aside, I’m excited about 2012.  It’s an election year, the Lions should be even better next season and now the Tigers have made a move that in retrospect seems brilliant, even if no one saw it coming.  Verlander and Fister.  Prince and Miggy.  You can forgive me for feeling a little giddy.

-A

A Frozen Renaissance

I remember how excited I was when the Tigers beat the Yankees in the playoffs.  If you take the inverse of that, it’s about how I felt after the Lions lost last night.  The thing about Detroit and Detroit sports is that despite all this talk of a Detroit renaissance, it keeps falling a little short.

The Tigers made the playoffs and beat the Yankees in spectacular fashion but then barely showed up against the Rangers.  The Lions look nothing like the 0-16 laughing stock they used to be but after getting trounced by the Saints in the playoffs, they obviously have a ways to go.

No, the fact of the matter is that Detroit is still Detroit and, at this point, its best years are somewhere in the past.  In fact, it’s completely possible that this is the moment where Detroit peaked:

[youtube www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFt6MyiVx54]

…but I sure hope not.

-A

Motorcycles, Crowns and Rescues

It has been an up and down kind of week.  The Lions got smacked by the Bears on Sunday but then Verlander goes out and gets a unanimous Cy Young award win.  Wilson Ramos got himself kidnapped in Venezuela but then he went and got himself rescued as well.  Like I said, it has been up and down.

Luckily, during the down times, there’s always one place I can go to feel better: the highway.

Seriously, could anything make you feel better than the Russian motorcycle sidecar band?

Actually, there probably is one thing.  Winning a prize from Crown Royal by proving that you’re RSBS‘ biggest fan.  We’re still waiting for more of those pictures so get out there and show us your RSBS spirit!

-A

Don’t Give Me That Sanctity Crap!

I’ve never understood the religious conservatives’ fascination with what goes on in the bedroom.  It took until 2003 for the Supreme Court to strike down a Texas law prohibiting sodomy and even today, despite the overturning of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and multiple polls showing that a majority of Americans now support a homosexual couples’ right to marry, these same religious conservatives continue to use people’s private lives as a wedge to drive us apart.

So, what’s truly going on here?  Do they really feel so strongly about what goes where behind closed doors or is there something more to it?

Sadly, it seems to be the latter even though it has also become cliche.  Take the story of Roberto Arango, for instance.  The nadir of this sordid tale isn’t so much the part where the guy who opposes gay adoption rights posts naked pictures of himself spreading his cheeks on the internet.  No, it’s the excuse that follows: “You know I’ve been losing weight. As I shed that weight, I’ve been taking pictures.”

But there’s always an excuse, isn’t there?  There’s an excuse for how the gay porn shot ended up on a site called Grindr just like there’s an excuse for why people’s private lives should be legislated.  If you left it up to people like Rick Santorum and Tim Tebow, everyone would wait until they were married to have sex (heterosexual, of course) and even then, it would only be missionary and with the lights off.  Yes, this is the same Tim Tebow who kissed a guy full on the lips after the biggest (and only) victory of his NFL career.

It’s the height of hypocrisy because the same guys who tell you what you can and can’t do in the privacy of your bedroom will get full up in your face if you question why they feel the need to flaunt their faith in front of everyone on the field and millions of TV viewers.  They call it their “testimony” but I call it hypocrisy and it’s that hypocrisy that makes the “Tebowing” phenomenon so hilarious.  It’s what makes me laugh whenever I see a replay of Stephen Tulloch sacking Tebow then dropping to a knee to “Tebow” right next to him.  It’s also what makes me crazy when people start going off on Tulloch and calling him “un-Christian” because of the move.  Get out of our bedrooms and get off of Tulloch’s case.

Ultimately, the Republicans and especially the religious zealots of the party would be better served if they took a moment and listened to Clint Eastwood.  When asked about gay marriage by GQ, he responded,  “We’re making a big deal out of things we shouldn’t be making a deal out of.”

Now that, my friends, is a true patriot.  Too bad no one actually listens to him.  Not like they do Tebow, at least.  On the bright side, though, if Tebow continues to play the way he did against the Lions, the only testimony he’ll provide is how quickly a QB can get bounced out of the NFL.

-A

Setting the Mahmud

RSBS Special Correspondent and Podcast Dolomite, Mr. Johanna Mahmud reports:

There is a movement coming. Axel Foley is coming.

I’ve been trying to get over my most recent trampoline accident and my cat circus just went bankrupt… BUT!!! One of my favorite cites (DETROIT) is having a renaissance. I got Iraqi, German and Chicago in me, yes. But I’m thinking that maybe I watched Beverly Hills Cop too many times and listened to too much Motown, because I got definitely got some Detroit in me too. In fact, I feel the need to go undercover to find out what Detroit’s new secret is. Maybe in drag?!?!

If those Chrysler ads don’t pump you up then YOU HAVE NO SOUL. I want cars that talk back to you. DETROIT CAN GIVE YOU THAT! And I want a lot of things back in my life. I want sideburns back. I want Paul Reiser and Judge Reinhold back. And though I don’t smoke, I want people to bring smoking indoors back!!!

Meanwhile, Detroit needed a pick-me-up and the Lions and Tigers have delivered.

This song has nothing to do with Axel Foley, nor the Motor City, but something about it makes me feel like I’m in the mitten. (Or is Michigan a glove?) Anyway, it gets me pumped up for my second city so much that when I hear it I can’t help but take a swig of a cold Samuel Jackson before pouring a little out for Jack Kevorkian and Gilda Radner. (I was going to mention Barry Gordy here but I just googled him and he’s still alive!!!)

The freaks are coming out! Lions, Tigers, and Wolverines …oh my! This is the best gift life could ever give our fellow RSBS writer, Allen.

The Tigers!!! Verlander makes me woozy. Miguel Cabrera is the Natural. And bad@$$ Jim Leyland is The Marlboro Man! If Sam Elliott had turned down his role in The Big Lebowski, the Coen Brothers would have had ol man Leyland on the phone in a jiffy.

His Tigers can do it all. And if you want, they can also chain you to a wall in a sex dungeon and make you watch two octogenarians go at it with mayonnaise all over them. NOW THAT’S PROGRESS.

Michigan State basketball couldn’t save Michigan but Emmmminnneeemmmm, the Lions and Verlander will by golly.

–Johanna Mahmud
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