It’s official. Joe Biden will be Barack Obama’s running mate for the 2008 presidential election. I’m okay with it. Really. I am.
I only hope that this duo will be reminiscent of the one-two punch of Schilling and Johnson who took it all the way in 2001.
I only hope that this duo will look more like Gehrig and Ruth on the field rather than Gehrig and Ruth off the field.
I only hope that this duo has enough to beat the critics and become the mighty force that Big Papi and Manny Ramirez became in Boston.
Will Biden being Biden become the hottest new catchphrase of 2008? While my hopes against that happening remain high, I would be a liar if I didn’t admit my anxiety that Biden may demand a trade at the very last minute.
Hold on to your seats, folks, dear readers, my fellow US Americans…
We’re just gettin’ started.
Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
As is true of any East-Coast liberal elite (born, transplanted or otherwise), I love the finer things in life. Wine tasting, Sunday brunch and, of course, Jon Stewart. Despite the fact that he is an unabashed Mets fan and supporter of all things New Jersey, I still believe there is no finer news source on American television. That’s why I watched with interest as he touched on a topic that my friend, Mr. Lung, recently brought up.
Watching this kind of reminded me of RSBS‘s good friend, Manny Ramirez, and the events that led up to his “transfer” to the Los Angeles Dodgers of Los Angeles. I mean, you want to talk about someone taking a crap on the people paying his bills, Manny would have to be right up there. He’s far from the worst and at least with Manny we kind of expect it. After all, there is a reason that the phrase “Manny being Manny” has become accepted in the baseball lexicon.
However, although other players may not have the chutzpah to come right out and say the same things as him, they usually find a way to show their true feelings (right along with their true colors).
For instance, when Kyle Farnsworth found out last week he was being traded from the Yankees to the Tigers, he cried. Yes, a grown man making millions of dollars a year cried like a little baby because he had to move from the Big Apple to the post-apocalyptic wasteland that is Detroit. I can understand being upset but crying? C’mon man. Have a little pride. I’ve been pretty up front about my distaste for Mr. Farnsworth but even I expected better than that.
Anyway, I’m sure there are even better examples out there (aside from the obvious Latrell Sprewell and Shawn Chacon) but I’ll leave them for our intrepid readers and the always watchful Mr. Lung.
So, Manny is a Dodger? The entire world was sure he was heading
south but now he has joined an already cramped outfield in L.A. And, as if that wasn’t enough, he has joined Joe Torre and Nomar out there! The
question is, will Manny being Manny fly in Tinseltown and can you think of
any other stranger storylines in the last few years?
Ah, yes, the infamous Manny-being-Manny question. Will it fly? Will he be accepted by his new manager and teammates? To find out, I shook my Magic 8 Ball and it replied: “All signs point to yes”.
But I already knew that to be the answer.
Admittedly, Manny Ramirez looks quite odd in Dodger blue; but I have to remind myself, Manny Ramirez looks odd in any uniform. He is an absolute nutcase reminiscent of one Space Man Bill Lee — an individual who goes out of his way to be quirky, weird, individualistic. I think Manny is inherently incapable of being anything other than an escalating characterization of himself.
And the fans love it — always have. That is why, as the years go by, his antics become more and more documented, loved, embraced. This is the man who forgot to cash a million dollar check that the Indians wrote him for his services because he didn’t have time to go to the bank. This is the man who lolly-gags in left field and is revered for it. This is the man who David Ortiz labeled as: “One crazy mother-(bleep)”.
Will it be weird seeing him next to Joe Torre and Nomar Garciaparra in the dugout? Sure. Will it be weird seeing Manny sitting next to anyone in the dugout? Absolutely. The man is a magnet for oddity — from high-fiving fans while making a play to writing signs expressing his desire to move to Green Bay, anything Manny does is just plain weird. Because of this, I think he is a perfect fit for the Dodgers and their organization.
Having lived in L.A. for a stretch, I can vouch for the oddity of their fans. Infamously, Dodger fans show up to the game late and leave early. In their defense, yes, traffic is rough in L.A., but it wouldn’t take much to plan for such inconveniences so one could show up by first pitch. And it’s sad to watch the mass exodus of fans heading for the freeway during the 7th inning stretch. Such collective disregard comes off as arrogant — a stigma I feel covers all L.A. sports teams. Like going to a Lakers game, it’s a place to be seen.
So, given the mediocre-to-lukewarm state of Dodger fandom, will Manny being Manny fly in Tinseltown? I don’t see why not. They love Jeff Kent and he’s a complete ^sshole. But to make sure, I decided to check in with the ultimate Dodger fan, the barometer for all things Dodger blue, the lovely, expressive, illuminating Alyssa Milano. On her MLBlog, she wrote a nice piece on Manny, which clearly shows that they (Dodger fans) will accept whatever strange occurrences may come with his acquisition. I only hope that there are plenty to speak of by the end of the year, because I don’t think Manny will be in Hollywood after the end of the season; the evil plottings of Scott Boras will see to that.
Strange a story as this is, is it really that strange when it’s all said and done? No. Not really. Manny has been crying this same game for years; it was only a matter of time before it happened. There have been stranger storylines this year:
I Used to Smoke Crack but Now I Smoke Fastballs: The Josh Hamilton Story
I Could’ve Tagged Two Guys Out at the Plate on the Same Play but Dropped the Ball: The Ramon Castro Story
I Threw Five Wild Pitches in a Playoff Game and Now I’m a Rock-Star Centerfielder: The Rick Ankiel Story
But no story has been stranger than this made-for-TV minor league drama in which an unsuspecting, cute ballgirl makes the play of a lifetime, giving the likes of Spider Man and Endy Chavez a run for their money:
Take it or leave it folks, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
As has happened in years past, the trade deadline frenzy wore me out and left me for dead. With all the craziness around the league where names like Bay, Ramirez, Griffey, Teixeira, Rodriguez and Farnsworthless are changing into new uniforms, I’m not sure how I should feel. I know I don’t feel good; but I suppose when it’s all said and done, life could be a lot worse.
Take the Cubs for example. Having just swept the Brewers, they’re sitting pretty right now atop the NL Central, owning what could be the best starting rotation — thanks to the acquisition of Rich Harden — in the league, yet their fans — frenzied to the max — are out beating up Brewers fans in Milwaukee, bludgeoning Sox fans at little kids’ birthday parties, and writing me continuously obscene hate mail like this:
“…f***in cards s*** no trade no bullpen izzringnhausen is worhtless peace of s*** you f***ing s***hole who wont right me back but you prolly scared coz i put you inyour f***in place you b****. pujols willl prolly break his face from being on such a s****y team. you think ur so hot stuff wel ur not so you can eat a big fat d*** you f** b**** cubs rule sox s*** cards dead…”
— email@example.com, July 31, 2008
That sure is some way to express one’s excitement regarding his team’s chances as we get into the latter two months of the season. Now don’t get me wrong, when the Cardinals or the Sox do well, there’s nothing that makes me feel better than going out and beating the living snot out of a guy or better yet, writing incoherent expletive-ridden emails from the safe anonymity of my mom and dad’s basement. The difference is: I’m way cool about it.
But the senseless beatings of non-Cub supporters are not that important in the grand scheme of the world. We US Americans have a decision to make soon; and the way things stand now, that decision won’t be too difficult.
Recently, Senator John McCain, finally cognizant of the fact that he is about as camera-friendly as a seventy year old scab, hit the airwaves with a new attack ad relating Barack Obama’s popularity of Hope politics to the flagrant shenanigans of infamous celebrities Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. Uh, yeah. They’re like one in the same. I can hardly tell the difference. Shall we?
Yes, it’s clearly obvious to all who have eyes that Obama’s appeal carries the same sentiment and clamor that comes with these two lovely ladies and their raucous good looks.
Thank you, John McCain, for taking the time to educate me on this issue. I’m sure that there is nothing more important you or your campaign could be working on right now what with two wars and an economic crisis being such minor inconveniences.
Dear readers, this odd political angle of strategizing towards the completely ignorant is a bit tired. This cries out that McCain has lost whatever semblance of an edge he might’ve had at one time and therefore, his message has become stale, moot, boring.
May I propose a trade? Would anyone mind if the GOP pulled out a Manny-like deal and traded John McCain and Rick Davis for Ron Paul? Sounds like a pretty good deal to me. Paul is a hard-lined Libertarian-rooted Republican who actually represents the conservative ideals of eradicating Big Government; he also uses the “R” word with conviction and is just as tired of the sickening state of US America as you and I are. He’s a funny guy — even charming to some degree — and most of all, he would make this race (which, has already become more boring than Clinton v. Dole ’96) an exciting one to watch.
Is it too much to ask the GOP to make this necessary move? We can extend the deadline… push back the convention if we need to… just this once. Let’s do it! I believe that US Americans deserve a good, entertaining political fight and just think of how fun it would be to see Ron Paul and Barack Obama debate the finer points of smoking weed. Heck, they might even end up agreeing on something!
And that, dear readers, would be a beautiful thing.
Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
Farnsworth for Pudge? You’ve got to be kidding me. Although maybe the Tigers know something I don’t. I mean, that Jeff Weaver trade didn’t turn out so bad considering he totally tanked with the Yankees. But Farnsworth? When I was living in Chicago I used to watch him throwing BP. The only problem was that it was during the 7th inning of close games and that’s not a good time to be giving up round-trippers. But, maybe Dombrowski is ahead of the curve. Maybe he wants to put together a stable of the hardest throwing guys in the Major Leagues. But Farnsworth? Farnsworth is to baseball what this kid is to basketball:
What is it about the trading deadline that makes people crazy? Griffey is probably heading to the White Sox, Texeira is now an Angel, Manny might be a Marlin and Pudge will be wearing pinstripes. Everyone is making deals. Well, except for the Cardinals, of course. Sorry about that one, buddy. Maybe they’ll do something in the offseason and have a chance next year.
But I’d still rather my team did nothing than have to support a team that trades away an All-Star for a bad punchline. Yeah, Pudge is getting old and yeah, Pudge doesn’t hit like he did when he was on the juice. But Farnsworth? I just can’t accept this. The only way it could be worse is if I find out that he’s also a graduate of the University of Notre Dame.
Speaking of which, there is one other specter that haunts me that Mr. Lung forgot to mention. And no, I don’t mean Arlen Specter although he is old and old people generally scare me. I mean another former Fighting Irish who still runs through my dreams. And runs is definitely the correct word since I’m talking about “Rocket” Raghib Ismail. Man, that guy caused as much heartburn in Michigan as the Big Three’s ongoing inability to make a profit. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who was glad to see him go.
Anyway, I guess I should let this all go and just accept that Farnsworth is on the team through the end of the season. Maybe he’ll be great. And maybe Fernando Rodney won’t blow any more saves. And maybe Hillary will still get the nomination. Thank god I’ll only have to live with two out of those three things. And I can still go to my happy place.