For those of you anti-technocratic individuals stuck in 2005 where MySpace is your second life, Andruw Jones is your homerun leader and The Emancipation of Mimi rocks your screenless iPod Shuffle, let me tell ya: it’s time to get with the program.
And by us I mean Red State Blue State — on Twitter, the hottest albeit most meaningless social networking site that has all the kids goin’ crazy.
And do it now.
Not convinced yet?
Here is but a small sampling of prolific “tweets” by the Royals hot off-season acquisition (read them; you will laugh):
i saw a guy at
todayz that looked like the deformed dude from Goonies, i have to tell
yah i got a weak stomach. He was over where i wassigning
autographs b4 the game and i thought it was gonna b game over for me,
but i made it… PHEWW signed his ball and all. that could
have been the weirdest moment of my life!!! 4real. Anywayz bout 2 watch Golden Child, “I want the knife…_… Pleassse”
oh yeah b4 i log i went 3-4 today and we won
red bull is amaZing
Got n 2 KC last
night. That plane ride was by far the worst i’ve ever been on. i
thought fasho i was a goner. The last 5 mins of the the
of the flight the
plane was movin like a Wakefield knuckleball lol. i just new that was
it 4 me… us but we make it.
John Buck had an awesome game. Right now tryin to make a mix tape 4
after we win, what we’ve been playin is terrible
(*note: it seems Coco was just as surprised as us that the Royals won again)
i guess when i get back of this road trip ill check out the night life. im bout 2 check out im hella tired Gnite.
You see, dear readers, sometimes the creative mind is no match for stream of consciousness junkets created by extremely talented yet severely uneducated athletes.
Amen to that.
And go ahead and hate me ‘cuz I take cheap shots at verbally challenged yet outspoken outfielders… just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
It still remains to be seen what the ultimate consequences of the steroid excesses in baseball will be. There are the obvious effects when guys like Pudge get smaller overnight and guys like Jason Giambi no longer put up the same numbers. And in fact, an early result seems to be a bit of an overall downward trend in ballplayer size these days, with smaller guys like Pedroia winning awards and huge contracts. The NY Times, in its continuing series “Why the mainstream media is barely relevant: Stating the obvious three years after the fact,” points out this very same fact.
However, there are more important questions that need to be answered and I am not satisfied with their coverage. For instance, we all know about Derek Jeter’s romantic entanglements with women like Mariah Carey and Jessica Biel. I applaud that. But why is he now dating a 22 year old? I mean, this guy is five years older than me and I’m pretty sure if I was dating someone barely old enough to legally drink, my family and friends would wonder what was going on. Pudge may have hit the Slimfast but at least he isn’t robbing the cradle.
All I know is that it’s hard to feel bad for a guy like Jeter who is so cavalier in his profligacy. But even that is better than A-Rod with his she-males and Joba with his strippers. And it definitely beats talking about PED’s. Thank god New York has a family man like CC around now. Perhaps it will make up for the loss of the one guy who always kept things real by wearing his emotions on his shirt sleeve. Where are your tears when we really need them, Farnsworth?