Ah, yes, we humans can be quite the dreamers sometimes. I know I can. I won’t tell you about my most recent dream (believe me, you’d thank me if you could) but I would like to take the time to call out others on their misconstrued fantasies regarding the happenings in the world. On this day in particular — as is usually the case — there is no shortage of ridiculous thoughts, imaginations and pipedreams circulating the baseball-politico world.
Thankfully, these make-believe ideas have not breached the walls of my psyche. It hasn’t been easy staving off the onslaught of fans seeking a glimpse of glory, but I’m proud to say that, for this night, I’ve evaded the paparazzi, locked the doors and shut all the windows. I am safe. And as a stand-up man who speaks for intelligent US Americans around the globe, let me begin by saying that it is a complete pipedream that…
The MLB All-Star Game Is Anything But a Popularity Contest
I know, I know… same story, different year. Seriously though? If “this time it counts” continues to be the theme, the goal, the prize, then why leave it up to a bunch of numbnuts (the American Public — yeah, I said it; they voted for Dubya twice) to decide who should start this pivotal game? How do we do it? Here’s how: don’t let Yankees and Red Sox fans vote. And Florida — the entire state of Florida should not be able to vote… just for fun and because they kind of deserve that punishment. If I’m Terry Francona, and I have even a remote chance of managing in the World Series, I want Jermaine Dye on my team.
It is also an absolute pipedream that…
John McCain Could Balance the Budget By the End of His First Term
This is actually two pipedreams: 1) that he could indeed balance the budget and 2) that he would ever have a first term. Here’s the thing, how are we US Americans supposed to believe we could balance the budget by pouring more money, more resources, more troops into Iraq for another 100 years? We’ve already spent over 500 billion dollars in Iraq since 2002 and lost over 4,000 service men and women. How high will that number go over the next 100 years? And how would we do it when Maliki & Co. want us OUT!?!
Speaking of lunacy, it is also a complete pipedream that…
Rich Harden Will Bring the Cubs a World Series Championship
I know you guys want to believe it. I know you do. You won’t shut up about it. You pretend that the Cardinals aren’t right on your tails. You pretend the Southsiders don’t exist. You actually believe that “this is your year”. Well, it ain’t. And this so-called blockbluster trade proves it. Let me tell ya something: Billy Beane doesn’t trade away a guy unless there’s something wrong with him (see Mark Mulder, Tim Hudson, Barry Zito). There’s something wrong with Harden. I don’t know what it is yet; but I will. I hear that there is a very strong possibility that it involves a goat.
So yeah… it is also an absolute pipedream that…
Obamacons Actually Exist
Like Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and a sober Amy Winehouse, these dreamed-up conservative supporters of Barack Obama aren’t real. Hallmark is busy making up a holiday for them to star in.
Yes. It’s true. And it is also a complete pipedream that…
Alex Rodriquez Will Ever Stay Out of the Tabloids
He’s the best there is at what he does. He’s good looking. He’s into Kabbalah. That’s really all I have to say about that. This is just an excuse to post his picture. I don’t know if you, dear reader, are aware, but RSBS has quite a diverse following: whites, blacks, men, women, Chinese, Japanese and yes, even gays. In fact, I have been pestered by the homosexual community to post more pictures of A-Rod and other cute guys. So here you go, fellas:
Barack Obama Is a Flip-Flopper
Just not true. I know, I know… the Republicans have used this strategy before with much success (see John Kerry, Al Gore) so it makes perfect sense why they would pull it out again; however, this is Barack Obama we’re talking about here. It has been his position since the beginning of the campaign to begin a controlled withdrawal of combat brigades in Iraq. To all you flip-flop-mongering hope-squashing old-hat-wearing Republicans, here’s a great big RSBS EAT IT!
While you’re eating it, please know that it is also an absolute pipedream that…
Kosuke Fukodome Should Be a Starter In the All-Star Game
Soto? Yes. Soriano? Yeah, sure. Fine. Fukudome? No. And here’s why: his line isn’t nearly as good as those who got snubbed completely. Compare his line against those of Corey Hart, Rick Ankiel, Aaron Rowand. I find it very ironic that a fan base that used racial slurs and stereotypes to “welcome” their foreign star stumped the voting booths to make him a starter. So is the way of the Cub fan…
And let me tell ya, it is
also a complete pipedream that…
Anyone Will Care About What John McCain Has to Say at the Republican Convention When the ‘Skins Battle the Giants in an Exciting NFL Opening Night Showdown!
Are you ready for some football?!?
And if that doesn’t get you excited, let me inform you that it’s also a complete pipedream that…
This Randy Johnson Destroying a Bird with a Baseball Video Will Ever Get Old
And really folks, I know it’s an absolute pipedream that…
I’m Anywhere Close to Being Angelic
However, pictures don’t lie and this random shot taken of me in the wee hours of the July 4th morning clearly shows illuminated wings protruding from my back. Say what you will about it, but I’m pretty convinced that I have the whole Michael Landon Highway To Heaven thing goin’ on here.
By the way, the tough guy in the lower left is my Turkish bodyguard Omar; so don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right or I’ll tell him where you live.
Some important person said it first: “You can’t have it both ways — unless you’re Jenna Jameson or Joan Baez.”
This is why I don’t buy the “Obamacon” phenomenon* for one second. You either are or you aren’t for the Dems, the Libs, the Leftists. And I can’t think of a more left-of-the-line candidate than Barack Obama right now. If these so-called conservatives are bending the other way, then they’re hardly conservatives, right? What’s next? Coulterlibs? O’Reillylefts? McCainocrats?
For the same reason, as we embark on the second and final leg of the Windy City (Crosstown) Classic, it is not only outright blasphemy to root for both the Sox and the Cubs, it’s downright wrong. This city (Chicago) buzzes with excitement for this series, the season, the playoffs… any little hint that the two would ever face off in the greatest sports finale known to man. Hearing clueless, passive ‘fans’ interviewed by WGN saying things like “I hope they both win” or “I like the Sox in the AL, the Cubs in the NL” make me want to staple my scr0tum to a piece of plywood hitched to a herd of buffalo racing down Lower Wacker Drive.
So excuse me while I puke. (wretch)
One cannot root for both teams and have any inkling of self-respect. If anything, such people and their outlandish remarks/worldviews only prove their absolute ignorance — not only their ignorance of the game itself, but more importantly, their ignorance of the deep-rooted identities and histories of these two storied franchises.
You have one vote and one vote only.
You only have one opportunity to make the right (or left) decision.
So there. Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right, Colin Powell.
*I stole this fun word combo from the good folks at CNN. Thanks, WOLFIE!
Surprise, surprise. Tiger fan and irresponsible baseball blogger Allen Krause blasphemies the grand achievements of our national pastime by belittling the .400 batting average, I put him in his place by blasting him for it and he goes absolutely silent — no rebuttal, no defense, no comment.
Welcome to Red State Blue State — where US Americans come to read about baseball and politics while watching me debate an imaginary friend. Mr. Krause, if you’re out there, holla.
I suppose this is fundamental of any dispute: one person (me) is right and the other (Al) is wrong and the wrong one tends to get lost among the exactitude of the right. RSBS is not immune to this. There is no gray, middle ground — not here. Sure, I am aware that my loud anecdotal quips of baseball-politico wisdom may just be too intimidating for my opponent to handle, but there’s a time when one has to go to bat and that time is now, Al.
As a strong believer in the imminent change of hope politics on the horizon of this great nation, I too hope that some day Allen and I can come together, despite our differences, for the good of RSBS, for the good of baseball, for the good of the people… much like these pairings:
Obama/McCain Side By Side at Tim Russert Memorial
Tim Russert was a paragon of intestinal fortitude — a man I strive to emulate — and as he was remembered today, I couldn’t help but think about his great big smile (wherever he is) watching these two candidates side by side honoring his memory, his guts, his vigor. As an American, that image stuck out to me — made me proud.
So long, Tim.
Mark & Sammy
It may seem like a stretch, but it’s not: McCain/Obama, Repulicans/Democrats, Cubs/Cardinals. Generally speaking, they strongly dislike one another. McCain and Obama at the memorial today reminded me of that magical summer of 1998, when natural enemies Mark McGwire (a Cardinal) and Sammy Sosa (a Cub) came together and put on a magnificent display of power, destroying the single season homerun record in a derby-like fashion that captivated the entire nation.
Of course, now we know they were cheating, which kind of kills the ‘magical’ part, but cheating or not, they were side by side, laughing, fist pumping, scratching their balls.
So far this year, Cubs fans are asking themselves: “How are we this good?”
At least we can agree on something…
Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
John McCain’s campaign almost died last year because of one word: Immigration. Being from a border state, Sen. McCain understands that building a fence or becoming more bellicose does not stop illegal immigration, it just forces it even further underground. And he understands that the US economy will not continue to grow without inexpensive labor from overseas. Or at least he understood it up until he got the nomination.
However, we baseball fans are in a particularly excellent position to understand immigration and its positive effects. Without immigration (illegal or otherwise), we would not see the game the way that it is played today.
Seriously, can you imagine basbeball without Johan Santana, Miguel Cabrera, Victor Martinez and Carlos Zambrano? Well, with current immigration policy towards Venezuela, you might have to. We’re lucky that these players made it in to the US before the clampdown but who knows what future A-Rod or K-Rod is being held up because they don’t have their papers together in exactly the order required or because they can’t get an interview due to new regulations.
Now, you’d have to be daft to say that immigration is not a very real issue that demands tough solutions. But you’d have to be just as daft to say that shutting down the border and scaling back immigration even further will improve the situation or help the US in general.
This is an idea still in its infancy but if the US can use baseball to help with its diplomatic relations, sending big league baseball stars to other countries to talk about the US, why can’t it use baseball in the other direction, to help the American people understand the positive effects of immigration?