Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, failure becomes inevitable. For instance, the Detroit Lions. Seriously, was anyone surprised that they lost all 16 of their games? Not me, that’s for sure. And the rogue’s gallery of inevitable failures includes many other hallowed names like Michael Dukakis, Bill Buckner and the entire city of Cleveland.
But it’s always amusing and somewhat awe-inspiring when you get to see one of these failures in the making. And this year, we have that opportunity. This season, the Washington Nationals, despite the acquisition of Adam Dunn and the re-signing of Ryan Zimmerman, are currently on pace to lose 161 games. I assume they’ll pick up another one or two wins along the way but this is a team that just seems built to lose.
And it’s not just the losing. The Nationals also consistently find new ways to humiliate themselves. I mean, Elijah Dukes didn’t start yesterday because he showed up
late on account of his signing autographs for little kids! And it gets better. Giving up four runs in the ninth to the Marlins is one thing but not even being able to get your team’s name correct on their uniforms is a whole new level of failure.
Despite all that, I’m not completely convinced that the Nationals have claimed their place in the pantheon of losers. Have they achieved Cubs level futility with that ignominious 100 year drought hanging over their heads? Are they really 2008 Detroit Lions terrible? Frankly, I have to admit that the Nats haven’t quite earned those comparisons at this point. Their failure isn’t epic like the Cubs and isn’t quite as pathetic as the Lions. But, they do have company:
Yep, that seems about right.
-“Natinals” photo via FanIQ
-“Boxer” video via Every Day Should be Saturday
And here I thought this was supposed to be the slow point in the RSBS year. The elections are over (well, mostly) and baseball is still a couple months away from pitchers and catchers reporting. What could we possibly have to debate or comment on? Luckily, though, this is not your normal year. Thank god for shoe-throwing Iraqis, Kennedy-coiffed Illinois pols and baseball’s winter meetings.
With all of the problems facing the United States right now, it’s important that we ask the important questions. Like, is shoe chucking an attention getting scheme or a legitimate critique of American foreign policy? (Here’s a hint on that one. Anyone who actually understood the Middle East would not claim that the act was just about attention. Throwing your shoe is a mortal insult. If a shoe had been thrown at Zinedine Zidane, he would have head-butted the thrower.)
Or, with the city of New York involved in a free agency bubble that rivals the housing bubble and internet bubble combined, have the Mets become as evil as the Yankees or is their dauphin status chronic?
However, if we aren’t willing to answer these questions or concentrate on the imminent and necessary demise of the Big Three and the impending credit card crisis, there’s really only one other place we can go for solutions: the demented but brilliant mind of Andy Samberg.
Seriously, if that’s not a critique of US foreign policy, I don’t know what is.