Tagged: Milton Bradley

The Filibuster

Who is more despised by the RSBS guys?  Yankees or Cubs.  I haven’t figured it out yet. 

Brad T.
Springfield, IL

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indy_snake.jpgMaybe I’ll begin by asking a question of my own. Who was a more insignificant president, Benjamin Harrison or Millard Fillmore? Or perhaps it makes more sense to ask something slightly different, like, who was a more brutal dictator, Stalin or Mao? The point I’m trying to make here, Brad, is that there isn’t necessarily an answer to your question. Wanting to know who is more despised, the Yankees or the Cubs, is like asking what does Indiana Jones hate more, bugs or snakes.

When it comes down to it, the Yankees and Cubs aren’t all that different. They have both been spending money like a hobo in a liquor store, dropping every last penny on whatever rot-gut might make them warm for a second. Milton Bradley is just a poor man’s Jason Giambi once you leave Bradley’s temper and Giambi’s juice out of it. And up until this season, the results were pretty much the same. Make the playoffs, head to the playoffs, crash out of the playoffs.

The equation shifted a bit this year, though. Now, it’s safer to say that the Yankees are Stalin to the Cubs’ Hitler. It was all going so well for the Cubs until it all fell apart. And the Yankees may have almost driven their base over the edge with the profligate spending and tax-payer financed multi-billion dollar ballpark but, like Stalin, nothing brings the masses back in line quite like victory.

All that being said, I still don’t know as though I can say that one of those two teams is more despised here at RSBS than the other. I can say, though, that after thinking about it a bit more, although Indiana Jones really didn’t like bugs, he hated snakes. And the name Steinbrenner sure does have a sibilant sound to it, just like a snake. Coincidence? Probably, but I’m willing to forgo the formalities and declare the Yankees the more despicable.

-A

Whoop-Dee-Doo!

Gary Sheffield: The Original Milton Bradley
gary sheffield.jpgBefore there was Milton, there was Gary.  Yes folks, Gary was whining and crying and kicking the dirt and picking fights and pissing off fans and management and teammates and saying stupid things long before Bradley.  And now, as if shown up by woe-is-me Milton, Gary has announced he’d like to come back and play in 2010.  So even if Milton is teamless next year, we can still count on Sheff to aggravate the baseball cosmos… if any team is willing to take him that is.

Twitter Babes?
Besides using it to piss off professional baseball players, I have found Twitter to be an excellent tool for networking and socializing with like-minded baseball nerds.  Of course, Allen and I get our fair share of spammer tweets, but I had never seen anything like this before:

green apples.pngA direct message from new RSBS follower @carol_laurent (from Chicago – where I live) saying:

“I LOVE GREEN APPLES!”

My response?

“I LOVE GREEN APPLES TOO!”

Of course, this is not a real person.  It can’t be.  Looking at her (his? Its?) page you’ll see it’s just a long string of random non sequiturs.  But boy was I duped!  Without a gibberish username, grainy profile pic and messages like “please visit my nude profile”, I guess I got *ahem* quick handed.

Where the Hell is Allen?

In case dear readers are wondering, my loquacious and oft incoherent colleague is still very much alive.  He’ll be back.  Soon.  He’s sorta recovering at the moment.  You see, he had an issue… an issue with his… esophagus.  They even made a movie about it:

Itchy portrayed me with excellence I must say.

Hate me ‘cuz I’m cruel, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

What in the Milton Bradley is Wrong with Milton Bradley?

milton_bradley_angry.jpgIn a word? 

Everything.

And so it goes that the world’s de facto millionaire man-child, Milton Bradley, sees his season end prematurely — stopped cold by the Chicago Cubs’ general manager Jim Hendry.  Or so we are led to think…

After the tumultuous inaugural season Bradley had with the eternally ill-fated Cubbies, isn’t it possible that Milton simply quit on his own and Hendry & Co. were left to cover up what would otherwise be the Major League scandal of the year?  At this point, I am willing to believe anything; which is why we put our loyal interns to the test — to uncover the hidden meaning in Hendry’s public statement, to discover what’s really going on, to report the Truth.

Dear readers, here are the results — the top ten reasons why Milton Bradley’s season came to an abrupt and early end:

10.  Wanted to give lifetime minor leaguer Bobby Scales a shot at breaking the .250 mark

9.  There is only room for ONE colossal fail per team and Alfonso Soriano has a pretty good beat on it

8.  Admitted to being an avid reader of the Chicago Sun-Times

7.  Suffering from an acute torn mental labrum

6.  Decided to dedicate more time to establishing universal health care

5.  With the NFL season under way, wanted to pass the “Chicago Public Relations Disaster” moniker on to a more accomplished, more deserving, more disappointing (and prettier?) candidate in Jay Cutler

4.  Made secret promise to self that if he succeeded in beating Jacque Jones as the most hated right fielder in the history of the Chicago Cubs he would pack up and go home, satisfied, with $10 million more in his wallet

3.  Worried his name might leak as Candidate Number 3 in Rod Blagojevich’s pay-to-play federal investigation

2.  Adamant about having the Ricketts Family rename his team: The Chicago Uncle Toms

And the number one reason why Milton Bradley’s season came to an abrupt and early end:

1.  He’s just… a whiny… little… bee-otch

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

The Filibuster

holy+cow.jpgA few weeks ago Milton Bradley very publicly decried the racist
comments hurled at him from the bleachers at Wrigley.  But since he
wouldn’t give specifics the press has been having a field day, claiming
he’s making it all up.  It blows my mind how blind they are.  I’m no
fan of Milton’s, but you can’t walk through Wrigleyville without seeing
someone in a “Pujols Mows My Lawn” shirt, or those famous “Horry Kow!”
Fukudome shirts.  I think in this case he’s absolutely right, and the
press would rather continue to crap all over the guy than grudgingly
admit that he has a point.

Ted
Chicago, IL

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As much as soccer is the world’s game, baseball is still America’s game. And as games and culture tend to do, it reflects much about a nation’s character. If you watch soccer you know that the Germans play a very methodical game much like the methodical German people. Same goes for the “beautiful game” played by the Brazilians.

But what does this recent statement from Milton Bradley say about the state of our nation? Well, if you paid attention at all during the Presidential race last year, you know that Ted and Milton definitely have a point.

The state of race relations in this country has not come all that far since the times of the king of the racists, Ty Cobb, or Jackie Robinson’s first foray across the color lines. We may pretty it up these days with Rainbow coalitions and politically correct buzz-words but the fact of the matter is, there has never been an actual, frank discussion about race in this country despite what we’d like to lead ourselves to believe. As much as it pains me to say it, Cubs’ fans are not the problem. They’re nothing more than a symptom of the problem.

It’s not exactly the same thing but this reminds me of being in Wrigleyville a couple years ago late at night. I was walking with a few guys and there had definitely been some drinking going on. As we walked to find a cab, some thin young guy came hurrying down the street toward us and one of the guys in the group jumped at him and then started harassing him, calling him “f@g” this and “f@g” that. This poor guy was scared sh!tless and the rest of us were too stunned to even say anything. Finally someone pulled the guy from our group away and he looked around at us like it was the funniest thing ever. As the guy who had been getting harassed walked away as quickly as possible, the rest of us just stared at this d0uchebag standing there obliviously with a huge grin on his face, all of us still shocked at what had happened.

And again, it’s symptomatic. Racism and homophobia come from the same place and the fact that neither one has ever been dealt with directly in this country means that it will continue to go on. Whether or not someone said what Milton says he heard is not the point. The fact that we really shouldn’t be surprised that it happened is.

-A

Beating Down a Dead Horse

milton_bradley_angry.jpg“I regret that there are idiots in the world, that’s what I regret.”
–Milton Bradley on his experience with Cubs fans in 2009

Me too, Milton.  Me too.

And let’s face it.  Cubs fans can be brutal — check that — are brutal.

Just ask Shane Victorino.  Or me.  Or Jacque Jones.

In fact, I used to think that Cubs fans couldn’t hate anyone more than they hate(d) Jacque Jones.

Then along came Milton.

Milton
Bradley that is, with his $30 million contract, unfettered crybaby
angst and a mind-blowing 35 RBIs through more than two thirds of the
season.  Wooing boos by not knowing how many outs there are in a
particular inning, by striking out looking with the game on the line
and by just plain lollygaggin’, Milton certainly does it all.  Now that’s a fella who is truly hated at the Friendly Confines.

But
at least he seems to have a sense of humor about it, albeit an
insensitive, mildly inappropriate one.  After the lowly Washington
Nationals lit up the Cubs on Tuesday night, Bradley told ESPN Chicago:

“We got a Rodney King beatdown tonight.”

Okay, Milton.  Sure, that was an ugly game and you are having
an ugly season, but already being the king of Chicago controversy,
couldn’t you have used a less compromising analogy?  To illustrate, we
at RSBS put our best intern to work and he came up with the following alternatives:

“We got a Barack Obama-on-John McCain beatdown tonight.”

Well, coming from Sen. Reid, this biased (albeit true) analogy is a bit expected.

“We got a Jesus Christ beatdown tonight.”
Er, yeah… okay.  No argument here.  I mean, I did see The Passion of the Christ.  That was uber-ugly.

“We got a Clint Malarchuk beatdown tonight.”

Now that was more of a slashing than a beatdown; still, it will make you puke.

“We got a Mr. Lung beatdown tonight.”

Ah, yes.  Now we’re talking.  ‘Cuz if you are even halfway familiar with the bitter goings on of RSBS, you know that I, Mr. Lung, destroy Mr. Krause in every and all debate because, quite frankly, I am always right and he is always off gallivanting in his own little fantasy world where people actually care about what he might have to say.

Of
course, these are all sufficient alternatives for our dear friend
Milton to use the next time he needs to highlight his ineffectiveness
with colorful language; but I believe the best, most succinct way of
getting his point across — the point that the Cubs just aren’t any
good — would be to quite simply say:

“We got a Milton Bradley beatdown tonight.”

Indeed,
no other statement carries as much ‘beatdown’ weight as the above. 
Beaten down like Bradley has been by Wrigley Field bleacher bums. 
Beaten down like Bradley has been by fed-up umpires.  Beaten down like
Bradley’s abysmal stats and his overall reputation (did he ever have a
good one to begin with?).

The only Milton Bradley thing that
looks good these days is his bank account.  And if you listen closely,
you can probably still hear him laughing.

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Why Brad, Why Now?

farnsworth cries.jpgWhen did Brad Lidge become such an object of disdain for this blog? I mean, Kyle Farnsworth I can understand because, well, because he’s Kyle Farnsworth. But Lidge? Yeah, maybe he’s not having a stellar season but after what he did last year, the guy deserves a little bit of a break.

Now, maybe this is easier for me to say because, as a Tigers’ fan, I routinely have to deal with the endless frustration that is Brandon Lyon and Fernando Rodney. I thought that Todd Jones’ retirement meant I wouldn’t have to sit on the edge of my seat anymore when we had a one-run lead in the ninth inning.

But Brad Lidge? He’s not even a Cub! I get the hatred and disgust for Milton Bradley. I approve of and advocate more of the same for Farnsworth. But Lidge? Nah. He’s no Mitch Williams. He’s not really any sort of appropriate object for scorn.

So, Mr. Lung, what gives? Why don’t you tell us what’s really going on? Did Brad Lidge not sign your baseball card? Did you write him a fan letter and he didn’t respond? Or maybe a love letter and he blew you off? Inquiring minds want to know.

-A

Brad Lidge’s Honorary Cardinal Card Officially Revoked

pujolsandlidge.jpgJust as the homerun he gave up to Albert Pujols during the 2005 NLCS finally falls back to earth, so too does Brad Lidge’s status as an elite Major League closer.  Having notched his seventh blown save of the season (by giving up a game-tying single to bonafide bust Milton Bradley no less), Lidge forces us to ask the serious question:

Who in the world is going to be fooled by that low and away slider when you throw it on the first pitch? 

And then, I gotta follow up by asking:

Who in the world is going to be fooled by that right-down-central fastball you are forced to throw after they don’t swing at the low and away slider early in the count?

There was a time (it was just last year actually) when Brad Lidge was one of the most feared pitchers in the league.  Nowadays he’s looking more and more like Mitch Williams circa 1997 (or Kevin Gregg today — in both cases, it ain’t good).

Lidge lucked out in that his team won it in extras but that doesn’t change the fact that he gave Cardinal fans the type of heart attack once only attributable to prospective hunting trips led by Dick Cheney (no, that will never get old).  The Phillies, this year, have proven over and over again that there ain’t no such thing as a sure thing and Lidge’s once-devastating slider is definitely not a sure thing.

You want a sure thing? 

Bet on an MMA fight looking at least kinda gay.

Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff