It has been quite a while since we last checked in with our friends in the baseball crazy nation of Venezuela and during that time, things have gone from bad to worse. Obviously the bad could only be Venezuelan superhero Mr. Ozzie Guillen and his self-confessed love of Fidel Castro. We expect that sort of thing from El Presidente Chavez but Ozzie?
Even worse, though, is what’s happening to prices and stocks of essential goods over there. The point of this article is that the government has been forced to subsidize beauty supplies which is understandable in a country with so many beauty queens. But what I found more interesting is this sentence: “Premium toilet paper…is expected to slowly disappear from the shelves.”
I don’t know about you but if you’ve ever spent time in a country like Venezuela, you know that premium toilet paper is more than a luxury. It’s a necessity. Its slow disappearance from the shelves also means the gradual disappearance of your colon.
Speaking of colons and Colons, what happens to Venezuelan baseball players under the Venezuelan subsidy regime? Is there a clause in there to underwrite cowhide for baseballs, leather for gloves and maple for bats? Let’s be honest, after beauty queens, Venezuela’s only real cash crop is baseball stars. Unfortunately the article doesn’t address this topic but let’s keep our fingers crossed.
With everything going on in North Africa, the Middle East, Japan and the US, it has been a while since we took a look south to see what’s happening in that infamous incubator of Ms. Universes, Venezuela. Turns out we picked the right moment to look that way because Hugo is once again bringing the crazy.
Most of the time when we have a bone to pick with El Presidente, it has something to do with his politics. Sure, we may lean to the left here at RSBS but I’m pretty sure I speak for both of us when I say that we see very little value in nationalizing companies. No matter which side of the political spectrum you hail from, though, Hugo may have finally gone too far this time around.
At this point I’m sure you’re getting a little curious to know what it is that the leader and founder of the Bolivarian revolution has done. Did he club a baby seal? Has he proclaimed cashmere to be a tool of the capitalist devils? Did he proclaim red to be the new black?
No my friends, it’s something much worse. Mr. Chavez declared a new public enemy number one in Venezuela: Breast Lifts. That’s right, in a country facing rising import prices, a greatly decreased oil production capacity due to state mismanagement and the specter of sovereign default, somehow Venezuela’s greatest problem is poor women getting breast implants.
Let’s face reality, Hugo. At this point in time Venezuela has exactly two things going for it: its exportation of baseball players to the US market and its spectacular track record in winning Ms. Universe contests. Do you really want to attack the industry that makes the latter possible? And what’s next? Decrying the use of precious natural resources in the making of baseball bats?
Although we here at RSBS are from being economic experts I hope we can be so bold as to propose a simple solution. At a point in time when crude is still selling at over 100 dollars a barrel, maybe instead of focusing on silicon and saline you should instead figure out how to increase oil production capacity. And if that fails, you can always turn your rage towards butt lifts.