In the most recent MLBlogosphere Latest Leaders, one particular blog jumped out at me. Ross Ohlendorf of the Pittsburgh Pirates is writing a blog based on his experience working at the US Department of Agriculture during the offseason. This started me thinking about which athletes are the most intelligent, at least in the traditional, intellectual sense.
For instance, Ohlendorf went to Princeton and is now doing research with the USDA but when you offset his intelligence with that of Rickey Henderson, well, at best they cancel each other out. Offensive linemen in football, and especially centers, are noted for their intelligence despite the head knocking they do all day long. As for basketball and hockey, I really have no clue and I won’t even hazard a guess.
However, based on zero scientific proof and nothing more than my incredibly suspect intuition, I’m going to say golfers are probably the smartest. Despite Tiger’s recent personal flameout and John Daly’s entire career, golfers are smart enough to play a sport that doesn’t involve getting hit on a regular basis. They walk a lot and exercise like that is good for the mind and body. If that wasn’t enough, they can also continue playing well into their later years, bouncing from circuit to circuit as need be. That seems pretty intelligent to me.
But I also have to say that bowlers might be on to something. I mean, practice involves hitting the lanes and rolling some balls. And everyone knows you can’t go bowling without at least a pitcher or two of whatever happens to be on tap. All I know is that pretty much anything beats the heck out of driving in circles for hours and never knowing when some guy might ram you at 225 miles per hour. Or, for that matter, working at the USDA.
Apparently my heartfelt tribute to the Cardinals rang hollow in some quarters of the interwebs. And it hurts me to see that while I am on vacation I have to check in to see such vitriol pointed in my general direction. So, because I want to be the bigger man, I decided to write another little ode to the Cardinals. However, this time I will do it in limerick form.
Albert: Another grand slam
McGwire: A forgotten man
Why keep on pitchin’
When Pujols is itchin’
And balls just wind up in the stands?
Is that better, Mr. Lung? Are we square now? Or do you plan to continue denigrating my good faith efforts?
At least there is one thing we can agree on. We may not be number one but it still feels pretty good to be number two. Actually, that just sounds wrong.
If I were making $126 million over seven years for a team that invested its future in me assuming I would be the one to anchor its pitching staff, I think I would probably focus on being a good pitcher.
But if it’s Barry Zito in that position — which it is — apparently none of that is important.
Dear readers, welcome to Zito’s World: a super hip fantasyland where losing 30 games in two seasons with a 4.84 ERA is worth every penny of that $126 million; a place where winning games in April is never a priority; an imaginative mirage where baseball meets Hollywood starlet meets aspiring rock star meets absolute shock that people would be just a wee bit vocal about his seemingly laissez faire attitude.
Look, there is no question that I have been a staunch critic of Mr. Zito. Yes, I suggested his 2007 and 2008 pitching woes were rooted in his unprofessional preoccupation with movie star female companionship. Yes, I coined the phrase “Zito Happens”. Yes, I poked fun at his childish, uncensored Tweets which made him look foolish — pining for “cab cakes”.
But none of that seems to warrant the fact that Barry Zito — the millionaire pitcher who up to this point hasn’t done a very good job of making good on that Scott Boras super-contract — blocked me from his Twitter account.
Juvenile as his actions are, I still cannot help but chuckle. I mean, here I am lowly Joe Six-Pack, unpaid aspiring writer, committed MLBlogger and informed baseball fanatic, trying to get seen, be heard, find a voice…. and Barry Zito does me the grandiose favor of reading what I write and hating it enough to block me from his 10,000 plus following.
Now, I understand that being a multi-millionaire, playing the greatest game on earth for a living and personifying the American dream is probably really hard on the soul, Barry, but come on, don’t you think you deserve it? Just a little bit maybe? Yeah. Yeah, you do.
Man up, Barry. Get over yourself. Do your job and people like me will have no choice but to shut up.
Until then, you will remain back-page fodder for the masses.
Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
P.S. Barry may have blocked me from following him on Twitter, but I can still access his Tweets and laugh because they look like they’re written by a 12 year old as they tend to focus on the importance of Radiohead, farting in the shower and men layering with scarves. Nice work, Barry. Nice work.
P.S.S. Despite the aforementioned aggravation I am experiencing from Zito’s actions, I am still living a good life, visiting Washington D.C., hanging out with one of my best friends and co-author Allen, ready to see the Cardinals play the Nats tonight and tomorrow afternoon. Heading over to the White House now. Pics/Story to follow.
In case you haven’t already seen it, YES! Network’s The Max blog is doing their own version of March madness, pitting the top 64 MLB fan blogs against each other in a winner take all bracket.
Now, we don’t want to tell you that you should go vote for us whenever our matchups come up but we would be remiss if we didn’t at least suggest that you check in over there from time to time to see how things are going. And if you wanted to vote for RSBS at the appropriate time, well, we won’t stop you.
Produced, shot and edited by Atonal Studios.
Special thanks to Theo Roll.
Very special thanks to Alex Rodriguez for giving MLBloggers blog fodder for life.
(For best playback results, watch in High Quality)
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Tuesday and Wednesday’s posts will both be the result of a small experiment between Mr. Lung and Mr. Krause. The title for each post will be the exact same and was co-created by each constituent in an odd writing exercise known to literary dorks as “build-a-sentence”. Mr. Lung wrote a word, then Mr. Krause wrote a word, Mr. Lung wrote a word, etc., until there was a complete sentence that sorta made sense.
Stay tuned and see the true difference between these two baseball-politico minds and find out just where that co-created title will take them, whether it be down the same jaded street or off into themes yet undiscovered like Red Sox fans who never complain about anything (yeah right, like there is such a thing).
You know what we mean.
Venerable MLBlogocrat and de facto Dear Leader, Mark Newman, announced yesterday that Red State Blue State sits atop the 2008 MLBlogosphere as the number one fan blog in the… well… in the entire universe. With that, I’d like to say that Kanye West is full of crap.
It ain’t lonely at the top.
Because this honor would not have been possible without you, Dear Readers. Ravenously hungry for the special RSBS blend of baseball and politics only available through the uncensored blabberings of me and my colleague, the oft jaded Mr. Allen Krause, we humbly tip our hats to you for making this dream a reality.
In lieu of this special occasion, I, personally, would like to take a moment and sincerely thank each and every one of you in the MLBlogosphere: the bloggers, the commentors, the administrators, the techie nerds behind the curtain and of course MLB.com.
Any regular RSBS patron knows that our unique brand of blasphemy and argumentative analysis would simply not be possible without all of the above.
In addition, I would also like to thank:
Mom — for birthing me and everything else 😉
The St. Louis Cardinals — for giving me a reason to live every spring
The Chicago Whitesox — for being in my neighborhood and luring me in with Connie’s pizza
Dad — for teaching me that I didn’t have to become a Major Leaguer to be successful (though it would’ve certainly helped)
The Chicago Cubs — for dreaming the impossible dream and providing blog fodder galore
Barack Obama — for convincing people that “Yes, We Can”
2007 Ms. Teen South Carolina — for being my US American muse
The Prince of New York — for being my must-read blog of the day, every day
Allison Stokke — for being hot
Mr. Allen Krause — for being a dear friend willing to take my hyperbolic haymakers and verbal vanquishings without being too much of a baby about it.
But you don’t have to worry about us… we’re just a couple of twelve-year olds trapped in thirty-year old bodies who don’t have the know-how to wield power or even consider being corrupt.
We love baseball.
And when you really think about it, isn’t that enough?
Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
One of the wonderful things about the interwebs is how they allow us to time travel. Well, into the past at least. Which really isn’t time travel at all. Anyway, what I’m really trying to say is that I want to go back to a post that my friend Mr. Lung put up last week. Now, I can rally behind the Thanksgiving and giving thanks sentiments included in the entry but I have to take issue with the picture he included. It’s not that I dislike the picture. In fact, I think it’s adorable. Rather, the problem is that it is a complete misrepresentation of the two of us.
Check that. It’s not so much a misrepresentation as it is a mislabeling. See, on the most basic, phenomenal (in the Kantian sense) level, Jeff is shorter than I am. A lot shorter. I don’t mean any disrespect by this but it’s true. I am several inches taller than my friend and any graphic representation of the two of us should reflect this fact. Also, I don’t wear lipstick but Jeff has been known to sell Mary Kay products to supplement his income. So, there’s that.
However, there is one thing out there that is not misrepresentational and that is the new latest leaders up on the MLBlogs website. I have to tell you, it’s pretty amazing that you all have managed to keep us in the top five for months on end, especially considering how much we’ve been slacking as of late. But, it just goes to show that there ain’t no party like an RSBS party because an RSBS party don’t quit. Except for on major holidays. Thank you for indulging us and we hope to see you back here soon.