Jeff and Allen have been very busy
all season long and with the playoffs in full swing, they thought it
might be nice to bring in some relief writers. Today their friend from
college, Frank, gives us his take on the playoffs.
In fact, I don’t even want to talk about it. It’s bad enough that the Mets completely s**t the bed this season. I don’t want to hear about the f*****g Yankees and the no east coast finale. Actually, I don’t even want to talk to you at all right now. You know why? Because you’re an enema. No, you’re my enema…
….Shut up, dude. Of course I know what I said. No, I didn’t mean to say enemy. I meant enema. You know, like your continued existence cleanses my colon.
Seriously, though. I’m not even sure I know where San Francisco is. Is that down in the Village or something? If you want to be straight about things, the Giants are technically a New York team anyway. I guess it would be weird to have the baseball Giants and football Giants in the same town but who cares? And what the hell is in Texas? Nothing I want to see, that’s for sure.
You know what is in Texas that I did enjoy seeing, though? The f*****g Cowboys getting stomped by the Giants. Baseball season is done, bro. It’s football time now. F**k Texas. F**k San Francisco. And you know what, f**k you, too, bro….
…Nah, man, I’m just kidding. I love you, bro. We’re cool. Give me a hug.
Whether you like him or not, whether you agree with him or not, one thing can definitely be said about our President. He has some cojones. I don’t mean this in the pejorative sense, as in, “Where he does he get off saying that?” No, I mean nothing but respect. His stances may not always be popular but at least they reflect a sense of integrity and a fundamental understanding of the law.
Let’s start with sports. The President is a White Sox fan and even though I don’t like the White Sox, I respect him for sticking by his guns. When he showed up at Nationals Park to see the Sox during interleague play, he didn’t throw on the home team cap. He wore a Sox cap, same as opening day. In fact, one of my many issues with Bill Richardson during the primary campaign was his claim that he liked both the Red Sox and Yankees. We all know that’s not possible. Baseball law says so. There’s none of that tomfoolery with Obama.
And when you get into what are often referred to as more “substantive” issues, Obama also rejects tomfoolery. Like health care or “Don’t ask, Don’t tell.” People may not like his stands but what he does is based on a firm understanding of the Constitution.
Which is why I’m also proud of the President’s stand on this ridiculous Ground Zero mosque kerfuffle. Yes, I understand that the men who crashed those planes into the WTC claimed to be Muslim. Timothy McVeigh claimed to be Christian. Does that mean no churches should be built near where the Oklahoma City Federal Building stood?
You can argue that the President may not have chosen the best time to weigh in on the controversy. But what you can’t argue is that the United States is a country built on the rule of law, the foundation of that law being the Constitution. When the Constitution grants the freedom of religion, that’s not just the freedom to be Christian. It’s the freedom to follow any religion or even no religion at all.
Sometimes this freedom isn’t pretty, like when you’re dealing with Hare Krishnas at the airport or Moonies milling about in Central Park. But it’s also the reason your mom and sisters don’t have to shave their heads and why we men don’t get in trouble for trimming our beards. It’s sad that a public figure being willing to say this requires cojones.
I’m a mean guy. Not incredibly mean but mean enough to bring it up in a public forum when my friend’s team crashes out of the playoffs by losing 3 straight games. Mean enough to continue bringing it up at least until the start of the next season. Mean enough to insult Albert Pujols’ mama. But even I draw the line somewhere. It appears that StubHub doesn’t have quite the same restraint.
Can you imagine it? A city full of Mets fans waking up to such an incendiary email on a Monday morning? Mondays are bad enough as it is. And New Yorkers are angry enough as it is. It’s like poking an already angry bear with a stick. Granted, when we’re talking about the Mets it’s a mangy old bear that long ago lost its teeth and claws. And will to live. But it’s still a bear and everyone knows you don’t poke bears with sticks.
Now, StubHub apologized and that’s a classy move. God knows I’m not going to do anything like that with regards to my comments about the Cardinals or Mr. Pujols’ mother. But the damage has already been done. The bear has been let out of the cage, if you will. Granted, it probably won’t make that much of a difference because even Mets fans will still hit up the website if they really want tickets to a sold-out game. But it’s the moral of the thing. You just don’t kick someone when they’re down. Well, maybe sometimes. Like when they’re down 3 games to none in a five game series.
-Thanks to Rachel at http://twitter.com/PujolsMolinaFan for the tip.
“I’ll be running nice and easy, just taking my time, not hustling. I apologize to the Cubs fans.”
— Carlos Zambrano, on how he’ll play upon his return from the disabled list
(Chicago Tribune Article)
The good news is Carlos Zambrano doesn’t have to take the fall for this mope wreck of a statement. The chain of command comes from up high and the Chicago Cubs suits are proving that not only do they not know how to win when it matters, but they also don’t know how to manage the public image of their players.
So, the really bad news is that baseball has openly lowered its standards. You don’t have to hustle anymore, folks — especially if you’re a ticking time-bomb with a slingshot arm and a once-sore hammy that has now fully healed, leaving no pain.
Indeed, Cy Young is rolling in his grave.
Okay, so I gotta ask: If Zambrano feels no pain then why won’t he be hustling on the field?
In the wake of steroids, with pandemic doubt blanketing the game from New York to Los Angeles to Los Angeles of Anaheim, the last thing we (and especially Cubs) fans need is to know that some players aren’t giving it their all and that management is okay with that. If you’re not healthy enough to play the game the way the game is supposed to be played, then you shouldn’t be playing the game… I don’t care how talented you are.
Note to Cubs: either sew Zambrano’s mouth shut or hire a new P.R. person. I got just the guy for you too — even colored his hair to match your duds:
During the past week we watched the opening of two new multi-million
dollar stadiums in New York City and during this time MLB and the major
sports channels more or less ignored everything else going on around
the league. Was the opening of the new Yankee Stadium and Citi Field
really such important news or was Heath Bell accurate in saying that
ESPN and other providers are completely focused on a few teams to the
detriment of the rest of the league?
Pardon me for being a-holishly frank, dear readers, but I think it is pretty damn sad that it took Heath Bell (of all reinvented people) to bring the media’s obvious love affair with New York and Boston into the public domain. Nothing against, Heath, who has now become my own personal savior for his ESPN remarks, but we here at RSBS as well as myriad Joe Six-Packs in sports bars galore all across Anytowns, US America, have been harping on this oh-so-blatant injustice for years now.
Heath Bell said:
“I truly believe ESPN only cares about promoting the Red Sox and
Yankees and Mets – and nobody else. That’s why I like the MLB Network, because they promote everybody. I’m
really turned off by ESPN and ‘Baseball Tonight.’ When Jake Peavy threw
8 1/3 innings on Saturday, they showed one pitch in the third inning
and that was it. It’s all about the Red Sox, Yankees and Mets.”
True story, Heath. True story.
Just for the record, regarding the two new ballparks in New York (one of which cost $1.5 billion) let me just say that I don’t remember there being such a fuss over the new Busch Stadium or PNC Park or even Nationals Park for that matter.
Yet all week long I have been bombarded with information I could care less about:
- The first homerun in new Yankee Stadium.
- The first multi-RBI game at CITI Field.
- The first blab-hole jerkazoid kicked out of new Yankee Stadium for using foul language and fists to explain his innermost self-loathing while watching the Indians score 14 runs in one inning.
I don’t care.
And I ain’t alone.
The good news is, Heath Bell’s voice was heard and ESPN reacted quickly by having him on Baseball Tonight. Shortly after that, the once monopolizing baseball program introduced it’s 30 Team Ticker, which offers tidbits of information on all 30 teams at the bottom of the screen while the analysts blab on about how much they love the Red Sox, Yankees and Mets.
But just like the leaderless GOP of 2008 desperately trying to reinvent its image after devastating the public by dropping the ball in New Orleans and Iraq while allowing the economy to collapse over and over again… it was just too little, too late.
Folks, we have a choice. Join Al and I; heed Heath Bell’s call.
Switch to the MLB Network. Enjoy equal coverage. Play the RSBS Harold Reynolds drinking game.
Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
Produced, shot and edited by Atonal Studios.
Special thanks to Theo Roll.
Very special thanks to Sam Adams, for getting us where we wanted to go.
And yes, to answer your question in advance: I had an itch.
(For best playback results, watch in High Quality)
The Pittsburgh Pirates managed to lose a game the other day to a local
community college. Granted, it wasn’t their best players on the field
that day but they did still lose to a community college. Now, we’ve
spent a lot of time talking about the highlights we expect to see in
the upcoming season but what are some of the bloopers and sob stories
you are looking forward to as well?
The Pirates’ saving grace (after losing to a community college) is the fact that they themselves are a team better suited for the community college circuit. Boasting players most of us have never heard of like Nyjer Morgan, Brandon Moss and Ross Ohlendorf, is it any surprise that the perennial underachieving Buccos start the season picked to win a mind-blowing 65 games? I think not.
But as my sludge-dredging colleague, Mr. Krause, so coyly alludes to, this will be just one of the many “sob stories” we baseball fans are looking forward to in 2009. Now I am no soothsayer; nor am I blessed with magical powers allowing me to predict which gaffes and gripes will take centerstage this season; but let’s face it: some things are just a given. For example:
The Orioles and Blue Jays Will Simply Disappear
If they haven’t already, by the time we hit the month of May, I foresee that all relevance of baseball in Baltimore and Toronto will cease to exist. After a steady diet of Yankees, Red Sox and Rays is slammed down our throats, who will care that Brian Roberts is a shining star in a sea of apathy or that J.P. Ricciardi is single-handedly destroying what was once a proud baseball organization? No one. That’s who.
Cub Fans Will Be Whining About Something
They always do. They always will. They never stop. Whether it’s invoking the spirit of Cub castaway Steve Bartman, repeating ye ole circa 2003 mantra: “Prior and Wood, Prior and Wood, Prior and Wood” or just getting too drunk to know what’s actually going on during the game, Cub fans were born to lose. And in personifying their joyous moniker of “Lovable Losers”, they love to whine. Sure. They’ll win the division. How can they not? But they’ll find a way to blow it in the playoffs and we sane baseball folk will be subjected to yet another lengthy offseason of wouldas, couldas and shouldas — a century old Northside tradition.
Gary Sheffield Will Say Something Stupid
Happens every year, folks. He might even box someone too, that is, if he can find the strength to walk from homeplate all the way out to the mound. And if he plays in more than 114 games, there’s a good chance that he’ll add even more guts and gore to that Phillies/Mets rivalry we’ve all come to enjoy over the last few years. Sheff is certainly setup to give new meaning to the phrase “choke artist”. All Cole Hamels has to do is open his mouth.
Joba Chamberlain Will Try His Luck with Erin Andrews — Again — and Fail Miserably — Again
I know, I know. Ms. Andrews said it was nothing, but we saw the video (which has conveniently been erased from the entire interweb) and let’s face it: Joba struck out like Adam Dunn after an all-night bender. Having been in that situation myself, and being a guy, I think it’s safe to say Joba will go there again. Men are stupid. Ladies, am I right?
Yet looking into my crystal ball, dear readers, the one blooping gaffe that is bound to come up again and again this season is almost too easy to call:
Kyle Farnsworth Will Be the Laughingstock of Major League Baseball
They hated him in Chicago. They hated him in New York. They hated him in Detroit. If the Royals had any fans, they would hate him in Kansas City too. But at the end of the day, no one can deny that Farnsy has become the whipping boy of baseball sadists all across US America. When a kind-hearted She-Fan openly in love with her beloved Yankees rips the man to death in her best-selling book, it is safe to say that Kyle Farnsworth is and always will be fair game. He should’ve known better: “There’s no crying in baseball!”
Hate me ‘cuz I can be an ^ss, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.