As a fan of Michigan sports and especially University of Michigan football, I can’t help but experience an inordinate amount of glee in the problems currently roiling the Ohio State football program. You can say I’m a bad person for feeling this way but if you ask a Buckeyes fan, I’m sure they’ll admit to feeling the same way when Gary Moeller was forced out as the coach at Michigan. Sure, you’d like to be able to beat a team on their own terms but when they’ve got your number, it’s a little satisfying to see the person responsible for that get the boot.
And it’s not just football. With the Tigers playing in the same division as the Indians and the Indians currently whipping everyone’s butts, it’s just one more reason to dislike Ohio. But maybe I should be a little more empathetic and feel sorry for Ohio. After all, there must be some truth to this graphic:
So, Ohio, I’m going to go easy on you. You’ve had a rough year with LeBron leaving town and Tressel’s sweater vests hiding a growing laundry list of sins. But when the dust settles and Tressel gets forced out, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t going to have a drink to celebrate. Same goes for when the Indians come back to earth.
The events of this past holiday weekend finally confirmed a suspicion I had harbored for a while. God is screwing with us.
Oh yes, I know this is blasphemy. And to make a statement like this during the advent just adds fuel to the bonfires already being stoked for heretics like myself. But it doesn’t make it any less true. Look at the facts.
On Saturday Michigan lost to The Ohio State University for the seventh time in a row. And it wasn’t even close. Consecutive defeats would be bad. Four in a row is unimaginable. But seven straight times? That’s ludicrous. Terrelle Pryor will graduate (or at least leave OSU) never having known the stinging scorn of the Ohio State fans because of his performance in a loss to the Maize and Blue. Sure, the Tigers may have picked up Victor Martinez and stolen a little bit of Ohio’s soul in the process. But seven straight losses? By comparison, that almost makes this palatable:
No god that actually liked us would let Leslie Nielsen die on Thanksgiving weekend. That’s not funny. That’s just mean. Sure, Nielsen may not have done anything recently but his work with OJ in the Naked Gun movies made him a legend. To die at this point instead of at the very capable hand of Mr. Simpson just seems cruel.
This all leads us to the final and indisputable fact which proves without question that god is screwing with us. He purposely messed up an NFL game yesterday. Yeah, really. It would be easy to believe that Johnson just plain and simple dropped the ball. Just like it would be easy to believe that a 14-year old virgin gave birth to a kid a couple millennium ago. But the truth is, it’s just god screwing with us.
Anyway, get out there and live it up this week. Have fun, go crazy, don’t stop. And if something does go wrong, just remember that it’s probably god screwing with you.