On this Memorial Day — a day set aside to focus our attention and our appreciation for the service men and women who dutifully protect our nation — I would like to point out a similarly constant source of awesome who has quietly made being a south sider something to brag about. His name is Paul Konerko.
“Paulie” (as he is affectionately called by White Sox fans) has done nothing in Chicago but hit 400 homeruns, drive in 1265 runs, hit .284 and carry an OPS of .865, all while flying way under the national radar of the worldwide leader in schlub and other poignant media corporations. Oh you can bet opposing pitchers know who he is, but his public persona is a bit of a mystery. He’s a quiet, reserved guy. He’s not out gallivanting with actresses and pop stars. He isn’t taking his shirt off and posing for GQ. He doesn’t run his mouth to the press, or at umpires, or… at all.
He’s the lunch pail baseballer. He shows up to work, works hard, then quietly goes about his business. He’s the type of player you want your kid to idolize. He’s the guy all the dads wanna hang out with, who all the ladies want to be close to.
He’s Paul Konerko — south side hero, midwest superstar. The quiet, unsung hero.
I tip my cap.
And to all our nation’s heroes, we here at RSBS dutifully salute and thank you for your service.
Happy Memorial Day!
The Champion of A$$hats. This Week in Jake Peavy Cockamamie…
Peavy did it again over the weekend. He told the press that his teammates need to start “laying it on the line”……WOW…
Team leaders are everyday players and Peavy needs to shut the hell up. No one wants to hear it from a guy who pitches every 6th day and has spent most of his time with the Sox on the DL…
Who exactly is not trying hard enough? Stop waving your weiner around, Peavy. It’s enough.
“Dagnumb it I’m gonna pitch hurt cuz I give it my all unlike these other guys cuz I’m a cowboy screw it all if my back falls off of me. And especially when I give up one of those 600 foot three-run homers. Mah teammates need to pick it up.”
This isn’t a team game. It’s a cerebral game. It’s a day to day game that you grind out over the course of a six month season. You know what, Jake?? Find your way to a winning record before you spout off because you’ve just been a jabbering hole of bad injuries. You were supposed to be the top of the rotation guy for what the Sox gave up.
His teammates probably think he’s an absolute a$$wipe. He’s impossible to trade. Paul Konerko is the leader by example and Peavy needs to shut his damn mouth.
Speaking of the dumb and stupid, THIS HAPPENED over the weekend as well.
You don’t have to be a White Sox fan to let this badass commercial affect you:
Of course, if you are a White Sox fan, you probably feel a little more charged than those who aren’t but still, the theatrics of it all are pretty universal. Baseball is coming.
And it’s gonna rock our worlds.
In the second grade, I was asked by my teacher where I wanted to live when I grow up. While most most kids in the class answered with a city name, or, next to their parents’ house, I calmly replied: “anywhere that is walking distance to a ballpark.”
Well, I certainly made that dream come true. It may not be St. Louis’ Soulard, but Chicago’s Bridgeport neighborhood (where I make my home) is definitely a great place to live, especially in the summer time. There really is nothing like coming home for work, changing into comfortable shoes and walking down to New Comiskey to scalp some tickets to take in a game on a whim.
And ya never know… ‘cuz in any given game, anything could happen.
Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
Just how Captain Morgan is able to be in both my liquor cabinet and the Oakland Coliseum at the same time is beyond me. But he is. Or… was. In fact, last week he was seen comparing hooks with Mr. Perfect himself, Dallas Braden, while bringing the party with him in the way of one blonde, one redhead and one enviable, swashbuckling goatee.
That’s right. Just when you thought captainism in US America was dead, here comes Captain Morgan throwing out the first pitch at a ballpark near you. While captains may run rampant in the NHL, the NFL and MLS, Major League Baseball suffers from a supreme shortage.
Derek Jeter. Jason Varitek. Paul Konerko.
Those are your only true, official captains.
Varitek? That’s a joke, right?
Paulie? Deserved, but under appreciated and way under publicized. In fact, I didn’t even know he was the Sox captain until yesterday… and I live next to the ball park!
Look, I’m a purist. You know this. Axe the replay, axe the jumbotron, axe the synthetic unis… I’m cool with all of that. But in lieu of the Nyjer Morgans and Milton Bradleys of the world, I think MLB would do a lot of good to inject more leadership into its ranks, spice it up with a “C” patch, subject the younger players to some authority.
Evan Longoria, Albert Pujols, Joe Mauer… they already look and act like captains. Can’t we just make it official?
Either that, or at least make it mandatory for that blonde and that redhead to make an appearance every ballpark in the league. (No need for the goatee. I have one of those already.)
Oh… and I’ll be waiting at Sox Park.
So go ahead and hate me… just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
(Images via Getty Images)
The way the balls were jumping out of The Joan today, one might have thought that the Chicago Air Show started a day early. That wasn’t the case. No. Those were homeruns flying out of the ballpark, not F-14s, and at least four of them flew out in a row: back-to-back-to-back-to-back.
When you say that out loud, it sounds like a bad rap song.
And it got me thinking…
Rarely do things as delightful as homeruns occur four times in a row (especially in the post-PED era) … so when they do, it surely is magical. What else would I like to see back-to-back-to-back-to-back?
Back-to-Back-to-Back-to-Back Saves by the St. Louis Cardinals Bullpen:
Because of the rarity of this now-merely-theoretical possibility, I am beginning to think that the 2008 Cardinals are looking more and more like the 2007 Cardinals. And folks, let me tell ya, that ain’t a good thing.
Back-to-Back-to-Back-to-Back Republican Sex Scandals:
Foot tappin’ in an airport bathroom stall, meth dealin’ gigolos, married northeastern governors who just happen to dig guys more than their wives… keep ’em comin’!
Back-to-Back-to-Back-to-Back French Male Olympians Crying After Competition:
Why? Because the only thing better than watching a Frenchman cry is watching four Frenchmen cry — in a row. “Zee wemen… zay sink zee cry-eeng… eez sexy.” Ah, the French are such easy targets sometimes.
Back-to-Back-to-Back-to-Back World Series Titles for a Team NOT Named the Yankees:
It could happen. No. Seriously. It could. Okay… no. You’re right.
Back-to-Back-to-Back-to-Back Presidential Terms for the Democratic Party:
FDR did it — by himself — and he was awesome. I’m not saying let’s rewrite the Constitution. I’m just saying we could use a good twelve to sixteen years to get some s*** done — for real.
Back-to-Back-to-Back-to-Back RSBS Posts Where Allen Krause Doesn’t Offend a Great Number of People:
Look, in this case, I agree with you, Mr. Krause; but somebody has to stop those Christians from firebombing my house! Enough already!
Back-to-Back-to-Back-to-Back Evenings Where I DON’T Receive a Soliciting Phone Call from the Number 800-450-9135:
I signed up for one non-profit organization that stands for making the earth a little bit better place and now, every day, non-stop, I get anonymous phone calls from this number asking me to donate to (insert random charity name here). No. I’m through giving my money away. Why do you think I’m still single?
Back-to-Back-to-Back-to-Back Pow-Wow Sessions with the Staff of Arizona via Slough:
I realize that I’m starting to sound like a real perv here, but trust me: I’m not. I’m interested in his staff because they are smart problem-solvers with real world experience and decorated graduate degrees. That’s it. That’s the only reason. Oh — and they know how to order Chinese food properly as well. Very important.
I leave the last one up to you, dear reader. Leave us with your back-to-back-to-back-to-back dream and we’ll see what we can do to make it come true.
I promise. It won’t include rhyming.
You can hate me ‘cuz I’m a dork… but don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.