Tagged: PEDs

Would You Do Me a Kindness?

Would you, MLB?  Would you hurry up and tell me what to think about the Ryan Braun situation so I can properly compartmentalize my NL Central adversaries?  I need to know if I should hate Ryan Braun or if I should just respectfully dislike him.  And I need to know NOW.

When this story broke in early December, I immediately paused 30 Rock on the Netflix stream so I could specifically call my friend, Mr. Mahmud, and mutually gloat in the complete downfall or our fellow divisional foe.  Ha ha ha, Prince is gone and now Braun is a fraud… fa la la la la… THE END.

Or so I thought.

I mean, this is the post-steroid era in baseball, right?  You get caught with a dirty test, your name is mud.  You’re a cheat.  An A-Fraud for life.

Unless of course, you’re a likable, attractive white man who plays in a market tailored towards good, wholesome folk.  At least, that’s how it seems.

I understand there are some strange circumstances regarding Mr. Braun’s positive performance enhancing drug test, specifically, that there aren’t any “performance enhancing drugs” present, but rather TWICE the normal testosterone levels, which would lead one to believe that such an oddity might be the result of treating a “personal medical problem” (how ’bout I just come out and say it: SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASE).

My reaction to that is: okay, so what?  If dude is TWICE the man everyone else is, of course that would effect his performance, right?  And to say he didn’t know what he was being medicated with is no excuse.  This is the 21st century.  He has every doctor, nutritionist, trainer, coach, jedi master, etc. at his side to advise him on these issues.  Don’t take this, Ryan, or else it will RUIN YOUR CAREER.

Then again, maybe Braun just gets a pass because he is a cool dude.  People like him.  He plays in a small market and he’s white.  I guess that makes it all okay.

Either way, I want an answer and I want it now.

Hate me.  I don’t care.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Forget Me, Forget Me Not

It is my hope that, a year from now, the likes of Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry and Arte Moreno’s checkbook exist merely as fuzzy postulations of the delusional masses — mere hiccups in the digestive tract of progress.  Of course, I realize one of these three is never going to go away, so I have to do what I can to temper the sadness it has caused.

But sometimes things go away, never come back and leave us wondering… what if?

Slap bracelets?  Hello?!?!  Where have you gone, fine fashion accessory from my youth?

Meanwhile, let’s examine those forgotten baseballers of 2011 and determine if they should forget me, or forget me not.

Milton Bradley
FORGET ME.
Dude, seriously.  115 plate appearances in 2011 was 115 plate appearances too many.  Known exclusively as an overpaid hot-head wife-beater who had ONE good season, there’s no reason for Milton to get another chance.  If his outrageous childlike behavior and .212 BA over the last two seasons aren’t any indication that it’s time to forget this loser, maybe the fact that NO ONE LIKES HIM is.

David Eckstein
FORGET ME NOT.
It’s difficult for me to believe that no one had any use for this scrappy go-get-em baseballer in 2011.  How did the Padres — a 91 loss team! — not have any role for Eckstein last year?  The dude does just about everything and he does it all right.  He’s a leader, a teacher, a fighter.  In my opinion, many teams could have used his services last season and I don’t see how that situation would change in 2012.  Any team’s super utility role should be considered for the former World Series MVP.

Manny Ramirez
FORGET ME.
Like Dexy’s Midnight Runners and Vanilla Ice, Manny being Manny has long lost its charm.  The man is a cheater.  A wife beater (notice the theme here?).  A creep.  He was caught (AGAIN) ‘roiding up and instead of acting like a man, ‘fessing up and handling his business with dignity, he ran away and hid from his fans, not saying a word.  Now he wants back in.  Not only that, but somehow he has snaked his way out of serving the 100 game ban deemed necessary for repeat ‘roid offenders and lucked out with only facing a 50 game suspension.  Manny reeks of insidious ego.  STAY AWAY PLEASE.

Johan Santana
FORGET ME NOT.
Never thought I’d say this, but I feel sorry for the Mets.  I really do.  Just a game away from the World Series in 2006, who knew they would fail so hard in 2007, sign the biggest free agent pitcher on the market to a $137 million contract, fail even harder in 2008, then fall into baseball hell with more problems than the Congressional Reform Act?  There was a time when Santana on the bump meant I had to watch that game.  With all of his recent injuries, I doubt that will ever be possible again, but I still want to see the man pitch.  And soon.

And finally…

Brandon Webb
FORGET ME.
I’m still trying to figure out how Webb was able to land a $3 million contract last season after not having pitched AT ALL since 2008*.  Indeed, he had a good run from ’06 t0 ’08, getting guys out with one of the nastiest sinkers I’ve ever seen,   but when your rotator cuff no longer rotates, I think it’s time to stop chasing the glory that once was.

Hate me ‘cuz I’m blunt, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

*Actually, Webb pitched 4 innings in 2009.  He gave up 6 runs off 6 hits before his arm fell off and he disappeared from baseball relevancy; but in my opinion, that hardly counts as “pitching”.

Also, FORGET RSBS NOT and our awesome Oakley Blender sunglasses give-away, made possible by our friends at Crown Royal!  If you would like to win these sweet shades, all you gotta do is send us a picture showing why you are RSBS’ biggest fan.  Email it to us at RSBSblog@gmail.com.  The winner will be announced this Saturday, December 24th.

Use, Not Abuse

It’s pretty clear that the 30-year War on Drugs waged by the United States has been spectacularly unsuccessful at best and criminally wasteful at worst.  Within our borders, jails have become overcrowded with small-time offenders while the rate of new usage continues to increase.  Outside of these same borders, a new generation of druglords continue to show the world that Pablo Escobar was an amateur.

I guess the thing I’ve never understood is, why are drugs so bad?  Yes, I understand why abusing drugs is bad in the same way that I understand why abusing people or anything is bad.  But there’s a big difference between using and abusing.  I use alcohol in that I have a beer with dinner.  I don’t abuse it, though, because I know what the effects would be.  Plenty of people use marijuana in the same way and quite honestly, I trust them a lot more than I trust my alcoholic friends.

So why do we continue to demonize drug use even as we profit from it?  It’s the same thing with drug use in sports.  I don’t want to see guys abusing the stuff but if a small dose of some sort of PED from time to time can keep a guy healthy, why not?  We already know what kind of a toll the rigors of professional sports take on the human body.  And yes, the athletes know what sort of risks they face.  But why wouldn’t we do all that we can to ensure their health and safety?

Honestly, I’m tired of reading about A-Rod or Manny or Ryan Braun.  McGwire, Sosa and Bonds?  That’s something else.  That’s abuse.  But those other guys?  I really couldn’t care less.  If regulated use of PEDs could help players stay healthy, play until they’re 40 and enjoy life post-baseball, that just makes sense.  But, so does de-criminalizing marijuana and collecting taxes off of its sale.  I don’t expect to see either one anytime soon.

-A

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 30: Pat Matheny’s Anesthesioxity and Other Stuff (LIKE HIGHLIGHTS!)

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

The RSBS crew celebrates its 30th episode by taking a stroll down podcast memory lane, remembering things that busted our (and hopefully your) guts.  AIDS salad and Ron Santo’s memory get rehashed while new memories (like gay ponies v. horsicorns, an iguana named Dudley and how you can cure your foot problems) are created!  Jump on board the RSBS crazy train!  No stops til you question how you spend your free time!

Don’t forget to getcho Crown Royal and enjoy some happy time!

– – –

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack. Follow Keith on on Twitter for all his movie magic updates and make sure to check out his crew and their hilariousness on the Undercast! podcast.

– – –

Recorded Saturday, November 26, 2011

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 29: Remembering Ugueth’s Urbina and Other Stuff

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And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

Jeff tries his darnedest to be as polite as possible during his unfettered gloating of World Championship status (Go Cards!) while Second City’s Mark Piebenga adds some level-headed awesomeness to Johanna’s outlandishness and Allen’s seasoned straight man routine.  Among the topics of discussion are “the greatest game ever”, the woes of rebranding an already twice championed franchise (talkin’ to you, Marlins), Theo Fever in the Chi, b!tch t!ts and much, much more!

Now grab some Crown Royal and enjoy yo’ self!

– – –

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack. Follow Keith on on Twitter and make sure to check out his crew and their gut busting Undercast! podcast.

– – –

Recorded Saturday, November 12, 2011

The Problem with Baseball

In short, the problem is Francisco Rodriguez; or, at least, the problem is people like Francisco Rodriguez.

Earlier this week, when asked about his role as set-up man to John Axford on a playoff-bound Brewers club, the manic and pock-marked hot head had this to say:

“There’s been plenty of save opportunities, and I’ve pitched once in the ninth inning and it wasn’t a save. I’m not happy. That’s the bottom line for me.”

Whaa whaa whaa.  Cry me a river, you big, overpaid, underachieving man-baby.

You see, dear readers, K-Rod is what we nowadays call a “stat-whore” — an obvious “save” chaser, a child more concerned about his “legacy” than the overall well-being of his team.  And apparently, winning means nothing to him.  Being successful means nothing to him.  If it did, he’d keep his mouth shut.  Instead, he’s yapping about how rough he has it while presumably yearning for a return to that moribund, going-nowhere New York Mets club.

Are we, US Americans, responsible for this man-childish behavior?  Probably.  To be fair, we are the ones who tune in to train wrecks like The Jersey Shore.  We are the ones who judge people based on appearances.  We are the ones who look the other way while skinny little Brady Anderson racks up 50 bombs.

Will it ever end?  Probably not.  But being aware is being alive, which is good news for you and me.

And K-Rod?  Well, he is just another one of the walking dead.

Happy Friday!

Jeff

PS.  Aside from being a big baby, K-Rod is also the poster child against extreme, high definition close-ups.  I mean, seriously, there is no reason for a grown man to have that much acne.  Unless…

The Filibuster

A bunch of teams are clustered right around .500 and above and no division is even close to being set at this point.  Does this mean baseball is starting to reach parity?

Sean
Caledonia, MI 
___________________________________

Beware, my friend.  I sense… something.  This… parity you speak of…

IT’S A TRAP!

It’s not real.

Just make-believe.

The truth is, the same old teams are still atop the same old divisions.  The Yankees.  The Red Sox.  The Phillies.  Okay, so the Mets and Dodgers may be out, but it’s not their faults!  They can blame poor ownership and mishandled funds!!!

I know that a quick glance at the standings may confuse the casual onlooker, that one could be easily misguided by the way the teams stack up.  But let’s face it: the NL and AL Centrals have been crapshoots for a decade, the NL West has been a contest in mediocrity for a long time.  The Angels’ dominance of the AL West was only usurped last year and in 2011 they have put themselves back in contention.

This is not parity.  This is, like our US American social ladder, a classic case of 99% of the wealth being in the hands of 1% of the population and everyone else is left to fend for himself.  The effect resembles something like parity.  But it ain’t.

It’s pitching.

I really believe that the Mitchell Report and its subsequent juicy fallout has forced teams to go back to what always works: good pitching.  With good pitching, you might have a decent shot at accumulating wins.  The Giants are a perfect example of a team that gets by on minimal offense and middle-of-the-pack payroll.  It’s not the stuff of dynasties… but when it works, it works, and that’s what teams are doing.

The Pirates are winning because of pitching (they can’t hit).  The Braves are winning because of pitching (they have a hard time scoring too).  The Diamondbacks could always hit, but this year they have… PITCHING.

Great pitching is the best defense against great hitting.  I didn’t write that.  Baseball wrote that.

When the Orioles and Blue Jays can compete in their own division… when the Nationals have a shot at the big boys in the NL East… that’s when I’ll consider parity’s existence.

But right now that seems like something that could only be found in a galaxy far, far away.

Hate me.  Fine.  Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

**Have a topic you want to see us Filibuster?  Want a free pimp for your blog?  Curious to know just how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Mr. Krause?  Send us your Filibuster questions by emailing kraulung@gmail.com or by commenting below.