Tagged: Rangers

Time to Bring Back the Lady Killer?

Whether you’re a Rangers fan, a Cardinals fan, or just a good old puritan brand of baseball fan, there is no question that this World Series is so far proving to be one of the dramatically fulfilling variety.  I mean, how many heart attacks is one expected to suffer through before this thing is over?!?!  I would not be surprised if it goes the full seven.

But what does surprise me is that Derek Holland — good as he was in Game 4 — still holds his head high while wearing that small, malnourished varmint on his upper lip.  I know his teammates razz him plenty; but seriously, how does that thing not make him hide his head in shame every night?

However he does it, the RSBS staff has taken notice.  In fact, two of the more senior RSBS interns have approached me with the request to bring back the “Lady Killer”.  For those of you dear readers unaware of this phenomenon, let me remind you with this picture taken during All-Star Weekend 2009:

That arrow.  It’s pointing at it.

It’s pointing at… the Lady Killer.

It’s often mistaken for a sex-life killer, but hell, if it works for Holland, maybe I should consider bringing it back.

Hate me ‘cuz you can, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Things I’m Doing While Waiting for Game Three

1.  Remembering that no one gave us a chance in 2006 either

2.  Sending a boatload of chicken, beer and video games to the Rangers’ clubhouse

3.  Whisky

4.  Encouraging Wash to use Ogando against Craig, again and forever

5.  Trying to find a reason to hate the Rangers (it’s hard!)

6.  Beer

7.  Watching — over and over and over again — Waino’s snappy curve to strikeout Inge in ’06

8.  Driving by Wrigley Field, reminding myself that LIFE COULD ALWAYS BE WORSE

9.  Organizing a harem of hotties to stand outside of Josh Hamilton’s house with an 8-ball and body shots

10.  Whisky and beer

Happy Saturday, Y’all!

Jeff

High-Fiving Strangers

One reason I absolutely love going to baseball games is because it’s one of the only places where it’s acceptable to high-five strangers.  And last night, at the end of the most incredible baseball game I’ve ever experienced in the flesh, I was doing a lot of that!

My voice is gone and I’m short of words to describe the experience thus far, but my heart rate tells me: we’re just gettin’ started.

Peace,

Jeff

Setting the Mahmud

RSBS Special Correspondent and Podcast Team Edward Rep, Mr. Johanna Mahmud reports:

I’m a Cotton-Headed Ninnymuggins

Things are changing for me. Before I know it I’ll be wearing jeans and reading fiction. I don’t know where I am. My favorite color is rainbow. I’m giving in to wearing sandals over socks. I don’t need the therapy! I’m just mentally ill!

Tony Effing LaRussa is back in my world and I CAN’T STAND IT. He’s a throbbing, raging, @$$bag that I wish would go away but he won’t. And you can’t kill him. If you try, he just keeps coming back. And, with all my might, my baseball sensibilities consume me so much that I can’t not respect the man.

When I was a child I would squint and mistake him for Thundercats supervillain Mumm-Ra (Magician or sexual deviant?).  I wanted to lightsaber him over and over BECAUSE I AM A JEDI!  His steroid riddled teams have infuriated me to no end. I loved the Dodgers and Orel in the 80s, the Giants and their earthquake, my Cubs of the last decade. I’ve always respected the man and his managing abilities; but he really has outdone himself this year. WOW.

When the Cardinals beat the Tigers in their last World Series appearance with no pitching, that was quite a thing. What’s happening now is nothing short of spectacular managing. My Jeffy’s Cards are the hottest team in baseball and I will once again be rooting against Texas. Watching this series will be like being touched by a priest…

–Johanna Mahmud
Follow Johanna on Twitter!

Allen’s 2011 Post-Partisan Playoff Preview

Continuing a long-standing tradition here at this nearly four-year old blog, I wanted to take this opportunity to weigh in on both the MLB playoffs and the Republican primary race in a familiar format.  I had a couple thoughts about how to approach this and I really wanted to go with the early front-runner, comparing the Republican candidates to different pizza chains.  It kind of made sense with Herman Cain in the race and fittingly enough the Godfather’s Pizza of the race as well (i.e. what the hell is Godfather’s Pizza/Herman Cain).  It also allowed for the Jon Huntsman-Chicago Pizza Kitchen analogy with both being the best possible option but too few people having heard of either.

C’est la vie.

The pizza analogy had to go away, though, because just as there are only four teams left in the playoffs, there are only four candidates with the possibility of becoming the Republican nominee and that lines up much more neatly.

On one side we have the two front-runners, the American League of the nominees.  The Rangers play the role of Romney, denied their glory the last time out and hell-bent to make up for it this time around.  They’re strong fundamentally but they just can’t seem to put it together.  Sure, they shut down Rays in the first round but even though they look good, you just can’t be sure they’ll hold on through the end.

Meanwhile, the Tigers bear more than a passing resemblance to Rick Perry.  They were quiet for the first half of the season but when they finally decided to get in the race, they did it with a bang.  At one point, riding a 12-win streak, they seemed nearly invincible.  The bang has gone away, though, and now they more just seem banged up with injuries taking a toll.  They could both pull it out and they both have something to prove but the goal seems a little more elusive than it did just a few weeks ago.

Over on the National League side, we have the “non-traditional” candidates.  For instance, the Cardinals, just like Herman Cain, came out of nowhere and now are turning heads.  Tell me the truth, at the beginning of September would you have given either the Cards or Cain a snowball’s chance in hell?  But here we are in mid-October and both are not only making waves but also making people think they’re for real.

The Brewers?  Well, you just never know what you’re going to get with the Brewers.  One day they’re Ron Paul, the next they’re Michele Bachmann, then they look like Newt Gingrich, and…..well, you get the idea.  The Brewers have a serious multiple personality disorder.  They looked fabulous against the Diamondbacks and then dropped two straight.  They mopped up the field with the Cards in game 1 of the NLCS then looked like amateurs in game 2.

So where does that leave us?  Well, here are my predictions.  I think the Rangers and Romney roll the Tigers/Perry duo to face the Cards and Cain in a winner-take-all final.  But the Republicans are the party of tradition and waiting your turn.  They nominated McCain the last time around after he finished second to GB Jr. and this time it’s all about the man McCain vanquished.  You read it here first.  Romney gets the nod.  Just make sure you check back in a year when the next edition of Allen’s Post-Partisan Playoff Preview picks the winners and losers in both the playoffs and the Presidential Election.

-A

LOLstros To-Do List

Can you believe we’re almost done with the 2011 season and I’ve hardly made any jokes about the Houston Astros?  I know.  I’m sorry, dear readers.  I dropped the ball.  Chalk it up as an E on your scorecard, boo like Mets fans and throw beer on me as I walk off the field.

It’s just… I have a real hard time picking on those who cannot defend themselves.  But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about them.  I do.  Sorta.  I mean, you think it’s easy for me to NOT make fun of the LOLstros?

IT’S EXTREMELY DIFFICULT!!!

But, to prove how much I care, I’ve prepared a small advisory to-do list of things that should get them on track so that I can once again slam their mere existence:

1.  Bring Craig Biggio out of retirement
Most people wouldn’t recognize a single name in the LOLstros lineup.  Also, 100 losses in a season isn’t just bad, it’s embarrassing.  I gotta think that an old, wobbly Craig Biggio would at least will them under 100 losses.  If nothing else, he could go to the dish and take an HBP to get on base, just like the old days.

2.  Move to the American League
Oh yeah.  Already happening.

3.  Woo Nolan Ryan away from the Rangers
Have you seen what Ryan has done with the Rangers?  And to think, the Rangers used to be the laughingstock of Texas baseball.

4.  Draft this kid:

And finally…

5.  Officially change their name to the “LOLstros
The space program is dead yo, and in the internet age, nothing is as catchy as a memey acronym that makes folks smile without even thinking about it.

See!  You’re LOLing right now!

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

The Filibuster

College football and the NFL have both come back with a vengeance but for MLB, there really aren’t any compelling races at this point.  How can baseball compete?

Ryan
Otsego, MI
___________________________________

Pardon my frankness here, Ryan, but…

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKIN’ ABOUT?

No compelling races?  How can baseball compete?

Put down that tequilla shooter (slowly) and check the boxscores before you miss out!

Because the time is NOW for September baseball and there is PLENTY to be excited about.  Right now the AL East is as tight a race as they come, and believe me: the Yankees and Red Sox both want to win that division as each would rather draw the weaker opponent in the ALDS.  Meanwhile, the AL Central is anything but locked down.  Sure it might not be neck and neck, but if the Tigers have taught us anything in the last few years, it’s that they definitely know how to blow a sure thing.  And if you think the Rangers aren’t worried about the creeping Angels of Los Anaheim, ya might wanna put down the vodka too (keep the whisky, for now).

In the National League, sure the East, Central and Wild Card races seem to be locked down, but the NL West is still undecided.  The Diamondbacks are coming on strong but if the Giants can just average one run a game, with THAT pitching staff, they have a pretty good shot.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love football just as much as any other loud proud US American, but early season games being more important than the stretch baseball run?  Not in my world.  Not even close!

If you’re not feelin’ it, I gotta think that maybe it’s your fault.  Sit down and watch one of these games that matters.  Or, don’t.  I mean, STRASMAS is comin’ this year, so you could watch that!  Or check out a Bluejays game to watch the Joey Bats and Brett Lawrie Show!  Or get your buddies together for an Orioles game and every time they make an error, miss the cut-off man or fail to advance a runner TAKE A DRINK!  You’ll be so loaded by the third inning that your decision making skills will deteriorate to a level that will GUARANTEE a night of awesome once you hit the club.

Hate me ‘cuz I promote promiscuous behavior while championing the greatest game on earth, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

**Have a topic you want to see us Filibuster?  Curious as to why they call Mr. Krause “The Bumpiest 30 Seconds You’ll Ever Find”?  Send us your Filibuster questions by emailing kraulung@gmail.com or by commenting below.