I understand that in today’s world there is surmounting pressure to dumb one’s self down in order to gain acceptance — to fit in, to be liked. Satisfaction can be had by the simple click of a mouse; children’s role models come in cute, skinny Paris Hilton and Justin Timberlake packages; department stores offer “free gifts with purchase”, knowing that people are just begging to be duped.
I am not one of those people.
Of course, the backlash can be unsettling, but I remain steadfast in my intelligence despite the ever-growing pressures of modern society. I do my homework. I know I’m right. I am in touch with the people even if that means being smarter than theyare.
Allen Krause, on the other hand, intelligent as he is on paper, fails to overcome the pitfalls of conformity and it has never been more evident than in his last two posts: The Filibuster, 67 Years…and Counting.
I refuse to waste any more time correcting the flawed logical processes of my opponent on the magnitude of hitting .400. I also refuse to delve any further into whether or not today’s players are more prepared than they were 60 years ago due to advancements in technology, scouting, preparation. The bottom line is, I was right the first time, and I still am.
However, there are two major issues I must address here because US Americans deserve to know the Truth and shouldn’t be subjected to the wreckless writings of a man so out of touch with reality and so out of touch with the people’s needs rather than the people’s wants that he is willing to lead conforming masses down Blasphemy Road.
Mr. Krause wrote:
“…Barry Bonds was usually stuck out in right field.”
No, sir. Barry Bonds played left field. Any one who doesn’t know that automatically loses all credibility and doesn’t deserve to have a voice.
Mr. Krause also wrote:
“Willie Mays’ basket catch is replicated on a daily basis by minor leaguers all over the country.”
Oh, really? Is that so, Mr. Krause?
Do me a favor. Sit down, take that tin foil off your head, remove the mainlining needle from your arm and come back to Earth, pal.
Replicated on a daily basis? That is the absolute dumbest thing I have ever heard you say and you’ve said a lot of dumb things. Obviously, you know nothing about one of the greatest baseball moments of all time: Willie Mays and The Catch. And I guarantee you that this play is NOT “replicated on a daily basis by minor leaguers all over the country”. If it was, the so-called players making these so-called plays would be so-called Major Leaguers. Your statement, Mr. Krause, cancels itself out, double-talk, double-talk.
For the record, what made Mays’ catch The Catch wasn’t exactly the act of making an over-the-shoulder basket play on the ball, extraordinary as that was. What made it so spectacular, according to those in attendance, was the fact that Willie was playing a very shallow center field in the extremely spacious Polo Grounds of New York when Vic Wertz connected on a bomb blast. It would have been a home run in today’s ballparks — and it was evident right off the bat that the ball was going to soar over an unsuspecting Mays.
Except Willie Mays had crazy speed.
He broke, he ran and he ran and he ran and he looked up, turned around, put out his glove, caught it, whirled around, fired to second, and his hat fell off.
That was The Catch. A ball that no one else in the world would’ve had a chance to catch. Mays caught it.
Shame on you, Allen Krause, for attempting to steal the thunder from perhaps the greatest baseball player of all time. Shame on you.
In all honesty, I do feel sorry for you, Mr. Krause. It must hurt to know you’re just another victim of the trappings of conformity. It must hurt to be but just a tiny grub in the food chain of a menacing Trapdoor Spider. I can’t imagine what that must feel like — but I’m sure it ain’t good ‘cuz I’ve seen the footage (*note, the good part is at the end):
This is to you and you only, Mr. Krause: You’re absolutely nuts. You’re absolutely nuts, and you’re absolutely wrong. You’re absolutely nuts, you’re absolutely wrong and your most recent post is absolutely embarrassing.
I have given you a pass on the dumb things that have come out of your posts before — sometimes I merely chided you and sometimes I partook in a bit of playful teasing; but like Hillary and her ill-timed reference to Bobby Kennedy’s June primary assassination, this time, you have gone too far, Al.
And you must suffer the consequences.
When asked if hitting .400 was an unreachable goal, you responded with such infantile and insane statements like:
“…the answer is yes, hitting .400 is an unreachable goal today. There
is so much that goes into just simply getting a hit, a guy who can hit
.300 or better is a catch. I mean, first of all you have to make
contact with balls that are coming at crazy speeds and crazy angles and
then you have to put it into a place where a fielder is not. In the
game today, managers and players alike do their homework and
positioning makes it that much harder to get a decent hit.”
REBUTTAL: You answered the question. I’ll give you that. But your reasoning is reminiscent of George W. in that it’s straight out of Crazytown. ‘Crazy speeds and crazy angles‘? Seriously? The game of baseball (especially this aspect) has changed very little in the last 100 years, Al. ‘You have to put it into a place where a fielder is not‘? Again, since the inception of baseball this has always been the case. Do you even watch baseball? Do you know how it’s played? Have you ever played yourself?
“But the fact of the matter is that the level of competition day in and
day out in the Majors is much greater than it was back when Ted
Williams was scattering the ball all over the field. Besides, he also
froze his head so he can try to come back one day. Only someone who’s
that kind of crazy has a chance at .400.”
REBUTTAL: Really? So you’re saying that when Ted Williams hit .406 in 1941 — when there were just 16 teams in all of Major League Baseball — that the level of competition was less than it is now in 2008? You are aware that there are 30 teams in Major League Baseball now, right? You are aware that nowadays, guys like Geoff Jenkins and Sean Casey and Boof Bonser make it to the majors where as in 1941, they’d be lucky to catch the game on the radio while working at the local laundromat, right? And I’m quite sure that Rogers Hornsby and Ty Cobb didn’t have their heads frozen or anything like that, yet they managed to hit .400 and guess what: they’re Hall of Famers too!
“…the more important matter is what does it matter if someone hits .400?”
REBUTTAL: It matters, Mr. Krause, for the same reason that it matters if someone hits over 60 homers, or hits safely in 56 consecutive games, or gets over 200 hits in a season or steals 100 bases. It matters because it’s really friggin’ hard to do, man! Come on! Get a grip! We’re talking about hitting .400 here, not hitting for a cycle or some arbitrary numbers-related coincidence. Only 33 players in the history of MLB have ever hit over .400 for a season! And no one — I said NO ONE — has done it since 1941! Ty Cobb, Ted Williams, Rogers Hornsby, George Sisler, Joe Jackson… I’d say those names are pretty synonymous with baseball greatness. Again, do you even watch baseball, Allen?
In conclusion, you wrote this:
“No, I don’t think .400 is an achievable goal but I also don’t think
it’s all that important. And that’s all I have to say about that.”
Fine. You’re definitely entitled to your opinion — as wrong as they often are — that it is ultimately an unachievable goal. Who knows, you might even be right. It still seems that the 56 game hitting streak is unrepeatable, so maybe hitting .400 is too. But to say that it is unimportant is absolute blasphemy, heresy, sacrilege. It is disrespectful of the greatest game on earth and the good people (me) who follow it to the nerdiest degree.
Hitting .400 is certainly important, Al.
Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
Let me try to understand this hifalutin statement:
“When it comes down to it, sports exist to entertain the masses and it
is the masses that decide what they want. This leads to inevitable
conflict between the strict constructionists (people like you) and the reformers (people who wear pink hats).”
–Allen Krause, The Filibuster, May 4, 2008
When Allen says, “people like you”, he’s referring to people like me — smart, charming, extremely good-looking, etc. Apparently, I must remind everyone that I am the brains of Red State Blue State, strict constructionist or not, and this statement is just the sort of blatant, pretentious animosity that gets slung around Washington in order to hide an individual’s own errant shortcomings.
Allen’s mishaps, misspeaks and misappropriations are far too many to document here; I will save you from another verbal sparring match and just inform you that, in his last post, he both favored and opposed the DH rule, thus proving his inability to lead and his tendency to flip-flop. It’s not the first time this has happened. Click here to see when he became a Nats fan and click here to read my story of how he was once a Cubs fan.
And while these bouncy sentiments are disturbing, nothing is more disturbing than Mr. Krause’s hinting that a game requiring more thinking skills and more management fineness (ie NL style baseball) would be less entertaining than the alternative: a slimy attempt to make more money (ie AL style baseball). In defending his argument, Allen used the analogy of basketball by contemplating how boring it would be if it hadn’t changed from Dr. Naismith’s original rules (which did not include a shot-clock, three pointers, etc.).
Well, Al, I don’t know. Are you belittling the intelligence of the masses by saying we can’t appreciate a thinking man’s sport? That we have to see non-stop scoring throughout to be entertained, to be drawn in, to be a fan?
Let’s analyze this from the point of view of the world’s most popular sport: soccer (football for you non-US Americans). Do you think soccer has suffered much from being a low scoring, highly intellectualized sport of refined athletic ability? Though I can’t call myself a huge soccer fan, I can attest to being extremely entertained and very involved even during nil-nil matches. And the masses seem to be liking it just fine the way it is. In fact, the masses would sooner beat you to do death than allow you to instigate a Designated Striker rule: every time the regular striker crosses midfield, the well-rested Designated Striker sprints in and attacks without abandon, thus creating a better chance to score. Yeah, I’d like to see you try it.
And don’t forget, the masses had nothing to do with implementing the DH rule in the first place. No, it was a decision made by 8 crusty, old rich men (spearheaded by Charlie O. Finley) who wanted to put more money in their pockets. Well, they did, and in the process they also took away a fundamental right of all baseball players — the right to hit. If you ever want to know how devastating that decision was on American League pitchers, read Spaceman Bill Lee’s book. It forced him to do drugs and get traded to Montreal, which was so bad that he had to do more drugs until he just settled for barnstorming the globe… and doing drugs.
Is the American League more entertaining than the National League? Calculating for my natural bias, the answer is still no. It’s not. It’s a different game and I don’t like it as much as I do the alternative, purer form.
But what do I know? According to you, Al, I’m just a “strict constructionist”, which would either make me a supreme court justice or just a simple legal philosopher. I’m not quite sure which of those career paths suits me best, but I know one thing for sure: you shouldn’t be a spelling teacher:
“If you aren’t convinced, maybe you should take a look at what Scalia,
Cheney and their merry band of strict constructionists have done to the
Consitution.” [my emphasis]
–Allen Krause, The Filibuster, May 4, 2008
As a liberal, free-thinking man with myriad bounties, it’s hard for me to swallow you comparing me to the Milo Minderbinder of our time, Dick Cheney, but it’s even harder for me to accept that you don’t know how to spell “constitution”.
Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
PS, Don’t hate me cuz I was right in my Cardinals/Cubs prediction either. Better get used to it.
Once again, Mr. Krause, you have managed to blasphemy the greatest game on earth, prove your idiocy with your prose and wholly embarrass me in public. It’s one thing to like one league over the other. But gay porn? Al, are you completely lost? Have they been waterboarding you down there? I’m concerned about your mental health.
Look, I know it’s not entirely your fault. It must’ve been hard growing up in a state where hockey is king, where the only car you are allowed to drive is a Ford and your greatest baseball icon was a gin shootin’, cleats-up-slidin’, wh0re mongering racist. I’m sure that all had an influence on your childhood and blinded you from seeing how baseball is supposed to be played. The pitcher is supposed to bat, Al. In fact, some pitchers are really good hitters. Have you ever heard of Rick Ankiel? Carlos Zambrano? Dontrelle Willis? How about Babe Ruth?
The American League’s adoption of the designated hitter is a classic case of how easily greed can destroy the purities in life. What was wrong with pitchers hitting? Nothing. Sure, the weakest hitting position overall is the pitcher’s spot — because they don’t hit every day. But that’s exactly what makes the NL so much more exciting, more pure, more of a thinking man’s game. You actually have to use strategy to accomplish your goal (*take note, Mr. President). As a man in such a high political position as yourself, Al, I thought you would’ve had the basic knowledge to discern that. In fact, the next time you hold a peace summit in some war-stricken African country, I’d like to see you replaced by a Designated Diplomat, someone who has a higher success average than you, because you don’t have the bells and whistles to make it theatric enough. Actually, I’d be amused (if only momentarily) to see you be a little more one dimensional.
Unfortunately, the AL didn’t end the DH experiment after its 1973 induction and now we never will. Since it has translated into a major career-extender and equated bigger paychecks for aging vets who wouldn’t make a squad otherwise, the DH is now like that drunk uncle who is a complete mess at family functions. We all do our very best to ignore him and not let him ruin the party because we know there will be less harm done to the group as a whole if we just let him destroy himself.
So eat a big fat one on that one, Al.
Oh, and I want to thank you for making my job easier today. Your Filibuster is full of big, dark, gaping holes of contradiction. I believe I said a long time ago that the AL Central would indeed be interesting due to the Indians and White Sox. In all honesty, I said the Tigers would miss the postseason completely. As a matter of fact, a recent comment on your last post from mobaseball reiterates this bold (and most probably true) prediction:
“First of all, you do know that no team has ever lost 4 straight and
made the playoffs right? And the Tigers have now lost 6 straight.”
Actually, Al, looking back on your past heresies, you made myriad bogus claims on February 21, 2008:
“The Royals will be their same old selves…”
“I can understand why you have playoff envy since the Cardinals will be
lucky to finish the season 5 games under .500 with their offseason
“moves” and a much tougher NL Central. But don’t be a hater. The
Tigers, along with the Red Sox and the Tribe, are clearly the class of
“The proud state of Missouri will host not just one but two teams who
not only set new records for divisional futility but who also manage to
lead their leagues in losses. That’s right, the Cardinals and Royals
will end the season with identical losing records and in a tie for last
place in baseball. You heard it here first.”
Like I have had to say before, Wrong, Wrong, and WRONG. Going into this evening, the Cardinals team ERA was second in MLB at 1.83 while the Royals’ were fourth overall at 2.67. Do you know what Jason Grilli’s ERA is, Mr. Krause? I’ll tell ya: 20.25! Get this guy in the game, Jimmy! My lord, hitters have to take washrags with them to the plate to clean up all the drool. Oh, and did you see that game last night where the Sox destroyed Verlander and scored 13 runs? I guess pointing out that the Kitty-Cats haven’t won a game yet this season (even the Giants have won a game!) would be pouring salt in your wounds. Look, I know it’s early, and on paper they should be awesome, but right now, they’re awful. And it can be quite challenging to crawl out from a ditch as big as the Tigers have dug. I’m just sayin’…
As to what division is the strongest, most competitive, must-watch division… I meant it as a trick question. I know you so well that I knew you would respond with some dumb denunciation of all things NOT the AL Central. Come on, Al. Do you honestly believe what you said? The Padres/Dodgers/Dbacks/Rockies aren’t interesting to you? The Mets/Braves/Phillies aren’t dramatic enough for you? The Cards/Cubs/Brewers/Reds/Astros aren’t competitive enough for you? Sure sounds a lot better than gay porn to me. What about the M’s/Angels/A’s race? Quintessential Yankees/Red Sox? Get a grip, pal! Look at all these great divisions! I can’t find even one that won’t be interesting… and if your unabashed abhorrence for the AL East is so strong that it prevents you from recognizing the inherent drama, tension, beauty of this glorious game, then you are too far gone to be saved — even by me.
You might as well be a Cub fan.
And though I know this is going to be very difficult for you, please don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
Mr. Krause, you have some serious issues that need to be addressed here. First I would just like to point out the flagrant absurdity of your most recent post entitled A Saucerful of Beagle; but before I do, let me announce that it is by no means any secret that I am quite fond of the beagle breed. Anyone who knows me knows that Ms. Missy holds a very special place in my heart:
So I am not quite sure what you were going for with the Uno reference, or the Best in Show reference for that matter. Interesting? Perhaps, but nothing in those first two paragraphs made any sense, going from Steinbrenner to popular film to the world’s finest canine breed to admitting you didn’t know what you were really talking about, which I might add, was the most truthful statement of the entire entry. This odd self-reflection was a blaring alarm warning the reader to disbelieve your extremely biased analysis of the AL Central. Sure, there is no argument that it’s going to be interesting; it will be. But please know, Al, I don’t make BOLD predictions without thinking them through and I am sure that the White Sox will cause the Tigers and Indians all kinds of fits. This being said, it is obvious that you were on a different planet when you made your most egregious error and blasphemed the superior intelligence of a Grand Cardinal Nation by saying we’d finish the Central in last place while equal with the Royals in losses.
This statement alone proves two things:
1. You are of an inferior baseball acumen compared to the Master
2. You are a Looney Tune
In fact, so brash and unconnected to reality were your statements that they reminded me of a recent comment seen here on this weblog:
…Winning is how the game is judged, like it or not. The Tigers have not
been there year after year. Even the pizza man could not spend them
February 19, 2008 10:18 PM
in response to Faster Pussycat by Allen Krause, February 19
Obviously, firstname.lastname@example.org knows a thing or two about baseball and he presents his case clearly. In fact, his first two sentences are absolutely founded and directly on-point, and then… WHAM, the pizza man! arrives on the scene. Whoa, wait a minute. Who is this mysterious pizza man? When did he become a part of the Tigers organization and how did he try to spend them into victory? Did he promise a win in 30 minutes or less? Was he using his tips to pay his players? If so, then no wonder the Tigers managed to lose over 100 games twice in the last 6 years.
**If anyone knows who the pizza man is, the pizza man that took over the errant Detroit Tigers of the 90’s and early 2000’s, please let us know by posting a comment with a clear, detailed explanation. This monstrous pizza man who ruined the formative years of Allen’s life by running an historic ball-club into the ground with overspending must pay for his sins.
So, Al, excuse me, Mr. Krause, until you A) find out who this abstruse pizza man who has been causing you so much misery during your life is and B) see that mighty World Championship flag wafting in the winds of your home ballpark, you really have no business making such erratic statements.
Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.