Tagged: Republican

Herman Cain Is Kevin Millar

Inquiring minds of dear readers galore have been BEGGING to know, just who is this Herman Cain.  Well, my friends, beg no more.  The RSBS interns and I have been doing the necessary research, and we have come to the conclusion that Herman Cain is politics’ very own Kevin Millar.

That’s right.  He’s a bumbling, fumbling hick dressed up proper who says stuff just to say stuff, even if it makes no sense.

Don’t believe me?  Check it out for yourself:


Hate me ‘cuz I got the footage to back it up, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

*The above also does not assume Millar might be associated with any sexual harassment… of human beings anyway.

Don’t Give Me That Sanctity Crap!

I’ve never understood the religious conservatives’ fascination with what goes on in the bedroom.  It took until 2003 for the Supreme Court to strike down a Texas law prohibiting sodomy and even today, despite the overturning of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and multiple polls showing that a majority of Americans now support a homosexual couples’ right to marry, these same religious conservatives continue to use people’s private lives as a wedge to drive us apart.

So, what’s truly going on here?  Do they really feel so strongly about what goes where behind closed doors or is there something more to it?

Sadly, it seems to be the latter even though it has also become cliche.  Take the story of Roberto Arango, for instance.  The nadir of this sordid tale isn’t so much the part where the guy who opposes gay adoption rights posts naked pictures of himself spreading his cheeks on the internet.  No, it’s the excuse that follows: “You know I’ve been losing weight. As I shed that weight, I’ve been taking pictures.”

But there’s always an excuse, isn’t there?  There’s an excuse for how the gay porn shot ended up on a site called Grindr just like there’s an excuse for why people’s private lives should be legislated.  If you left it up to people like Rick Santorum and Tim Tebow, everyone would wait until they were married to have sex (heterosexual, of course) and even then, it would only be missionary and with the lights off.  Yes, this is the same Tim Tebow who kissed a guy full on the lips after the biggest (and only) victory of his NFL career.

It’s the height of hypocrisy because the same guys who tell you what you can and can’t do in the privacy of your bedroom will get full up in your face if you question why they feel the need to flaunt their faith in front of everyone on the field and millions of TV viewers.  They call it their “testimony” but I call it hypocrisy and it’s that hypocrisy that makes the “Tebowing” phenomenon so hilarious.  It’s what makes me laugh whenever I see a replay of Stephen Tulloch sacking Tebow then dropping to a knee to “Tebow” right next to him.  It’s also what makes me crazy when people start going off on Tulloch and calling him “un-Christian” because of the move.  Get out of our bedrooms and get off of Tulloch’s case.

Ultimately, the Republicans and especially the religious zealots of the party would be better served if they took a moment and listened to Clint Eastwood.  When asked about gay marriage by GQ, he responded,  “We’re making a big deal out of things we shouldn’t be making a deal out of.”

Now that, my friends, is a true patriot.  Too bad no one actually listens to him.  Not like they do Tebow, at least.  On the bright side, though, if Tebow continues to play the way he did against the Lions, the only testimony he’ll provide is how quickly a QB can get bounced out of the NFL.

-A

Allen’s 2011 Post-Partisan Playoff Preview

Continuing a long-standing tradition here at this nearly four-year old blog, I wanted to take this opportunity to weigh in on both the MLB playoffs and the Republican primary race in a familiar format.  I had a couple thoughts about how to approach this and I really wanted to go with the early front-runner, comparing the Republican candidates to different pizza chains.  It kind of made sense with Herman Cain in the race and fittingly enough the Godfather’s Pizza of the race as well (i.e. what the hell is Godfather’s Pizza/Herman Cain).  It also allowed for the Jon Huntsman-Chicago Pizza Kitchen analogy with both being the best possible option but too few people having heard of either.

C’est la vie.

The pizza analogy had to go away, though, because just as there are only four teams left in the playoffs, there are only four candidates with the possibility of becoming the Republican nominee and that lines up much more neatly.

On one side we have the two front-runners, the American League of the nominees.  The Rangers play the role of Romney, denied their glory the last time out and hell-bent to make up for it this time around.  They’re strong fundamentally but they just can’t seem to put it together.  Sure, they shut down Rays in the first round but even though they look good, you just can’t be sure they’ll hold on through the end.

Meanwhile, the Tigers bear more than a passing resemblance to Rick Perry.  They were quiet for the first half of the season but when they finally decided to get in the race, they did it with a bang.  At one point, riding a 12-win streak, they seemed nearly invincible.  The bang has gone away, though, and now they more just seem banged up with injuries taking a toll.  They could both pull it out and they both have something to prove but the goal seems a little more elusive than it did just a few weeks ago.

Over on the National League side, we have the “non-traditional” candidates.  For instance, the Cardinals, just like Herman Cain, came out of nowhere and now are turning heads.  Tell me the truth, at the beginning of September would you have given either the Cards or Cain a snowball’s chance in hell?  But here we are in mid-October and both are not only making waves but also making people think they’re for real.

The Brewers?  Well, you just never know what you’re going to get with the Brewers.  One day they’re Ron Paul, the next they’re Michele Bachmann, then they look like Newt Gingrich, and…..well, you get the idea.  The Brewers have a serious multiple personality disorder.  They looked fabulous against the Diamondbacks and then dropped two straight.  They mopped up the field with the Cards in game 1 of the NLCS then looked like amateurs in game 2.

So where does that leave us?  Well, here are my predictions.  I think the Rangers and Romney roll the Tigers/Perry duo to face the Cards and Cain in a winner-take-all final.  But the Republicans are the party of tradition and waiting your turn.  They nominated McCain the last time around after he finished second to GB Jr. and this time it’s all about the man McCain vanquished.  You read it here first.  Romney gets the nod.  Just make sure you check back in a year when the next edition of Allen’s Post-Partisan Playoff Preview picks the winners and losers in both the playoffs and the Presidential Election.

-A

The Iron Lady and the Americans

Last week was a rough week for the Republican presidential contenders.  Or maybe I should say “contenders.”  Both Gingrich and Palin suffered setbacks but this seems to have become the norm for these two.  Gingrich had already started off his campaign with his foot in his mouth, talking off the cuff about Paul Ryan’s budget plan.  And Palin had watched her ratings tank after an inventive retelling of Paul Revere’s ride.

But this past week took them to new lows.  Gingrich disappeared to Greece after his initial gaffe but was forced to resurface when most of his senior campaign staff resigned on Thursday.  I don’t know how closely you follow politics but it’s very difficult to run a campaign when all of your top advisers quit.

I’m sure it’s hard not to take it personally when your closest aides leave your campaign but you can at least try to chalk it up to a business decision.  Palin didn’t have quite that luxury when Margaret Thatcher’s staff not only refused Palin’s attempt to visit the former Prime Minister but also said “Lady Thatcher will not be seeing Sarah Palin. That would be belittling for Margaret. Sarah Palin is nuts.”

So yeah, you could say it’s been a rough week for the Republicans.  Although you could probably also argue that it has been a great week for candidates like Mitt Romney and John Huntsman who can continue campaigning in quiet while their opposition self-destructs.  Slow and steady often wins the race.  Just ask last year’s World Series champions.

-A

Judge Lest Ye Be Judged

Sad news: only one more day until the world ends, dear readers. Indeed, it’s days like today when I really wish the Mayans knew what the hell they were talkin’ about.

Instead, we all wait in weary anticipation of a 2,000 year old Jewish zombie (they call him “The Jesus”) so he can come down from the skies and act as Judgey McJudges-a-lot.

Ordinarily, I ain’t much of a judgmental person.  I let folks be as they be, even if they be crazy.  But if The Jesus — a supposed paragon of virtue — is gonna come down and act a judgin’ fool, then I’d like to get in on that action too, just for today.

So here ya go.  Let the judging begin!

Yankees fans, I’m judging you.  You lost six measly games in a row and suddenly the sky is falling?!  When my Cubs fans friends (yes, I have a few) watch their team lose six games in a row they call it “April”.  And don’t even get me started on M’s fans or Pirates fans… jeesh.

Mitt Romney, I’m judging you.  Come on, dude.  How can you pass universal healthcare in your state and still call yourself a Republican?!?  Not only that, but how am I supposed to take you seriously when you believe in a book that was “translated” by a whackjob “aided” by an invisible bearded man in the sky?

National Football League… oh yes, I’m judgin’ the hell out of you.  Didn’t you learn ANYTHING from baseball?!?!  Good grief!  Don’t you know that the strike of ’94 nearly KILLED the national pastime?  You may benefit from having less intelligent constituents, but even the ignorant have a hard time forgiving betrayal.  Just ask Whitney Houston.

Donald Trump, I’m judging you.  The birther thing, well, I can see past that.  But your hair.  Seriously.  It’s not funny anymore.  It’s disturbing.  I’m sure there’s a crime being committed there.

And finally, as we prepare to say ‘see ya’ to the cosmos…

MLB throwback uniforms, I’m judging you.  If we’re gonna bring back the baby blue road duds… if we’re gonna bring back the Oakland puke yellow tops… if we’re gonna bring all this stuff from the 70s and 80s back in earnest, then we need to stop making them in the baggy size.  Everyone in his/her right mind knows that those only work if we can see some protruding jock action.

Hate me ‘cuz it’s Thursday, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Making Sense out of Static

static.jpgEarly in the baseball season, it’s hard to separate the contenders and the pretenders.  Kansas City regularly sits somewhere near the top of the AL Central after the first couple weeks and sometimes even holds on through the first couple months.  Last year even the lowly Pirates looked decent for the first month or two.  Unfortunately for both teams, it’s a lot better to be in first place at the end of the season then at the beginning.

It’s not all the much different in the political world.  It’s pretty safe to assume that Obama will get the Democratic nod heading into the next Presidential election but the Republican field is wide open.  A prime example is Donald Trump’s “candidacy.”  This is a man who’s really only famous for being famous and who, despite his reality TV shows and real estate empire, still managed to go bankrupt.  Yet somehow he and a decent number of Republicans think he can steer the country through it’s current financial straits.  Let’s see what Donald actually looks like on the trail:

http://abcnews.go.com/assets/player/walt2.6/flash/SFP_Walt_2_65.swf

He may be on to something.  I’m sure the Gettysburg Address would have been much more memorable if Lincoln could have dropped a couple F-bombs in there.

Granted, there are also serious contenders.  Like him or not, Mitt Romney has the pedigree and the record to make a serious run.  Jon Hunstman looks a lot like the 2010 Giants or Rangers and everybody loves a dark horse.  When you figure in the Tea Party contingent and their sway in the primaries, there’s just no telling where the race will end up.

What is apparent at this point, though, is that with the economy apparently picking up jobs and OBL slowly disintegrating in the Indian Ocean, Obama is enjoying a momentary upswing.  If the economy continues to pick up, he might end up like the 1995-96 Chicago Bulls, an inevitability if there ever was one.  After all, let’s face it.  The man is as cool as the day is long.  This performance at the Press Corps Dinner took place hours after he made the decision to take down Bin Laden and hours before the raid happened:

Admit it, if you were in the same position you would have been sitting in an empty room, rocking back and forth and staring at a blank wall.

It’s still early in the season.  There’s a lot of ball to be played.  But despite all the speculation and analysis, no one has any idea what’s going to happen.  Don’t worry, though.  You keep coming back this way and we’ll make sure you stay up to date.

-A

Winning One for the Gipper

obama_cool_again.jpgThe only thing worse than supporting a team that loses all the time is supporting a team that doesn’t even put up a fight.  I’m fairly open about the fact that I’m a Lions fan and as anyone who watches football knows, that’s a painful cross to bear.  But a couple years ago, when they set a modern record for futility in losing every single game, they at least put up a fight. The seasons where they went 2-14 and, despite winning a couple games, it was obvious they just didn’t care, that was much worse.  Honestly, I’ll take 0-16 over that any day.

This is why it’s also frustrating to follow US politics.  It’s not so much seeing the democrats flounder away the high ground in all this budget mess or even seeing the republicans bully their way back into control of the House.  It’s the absolute lack of fight in the democrats.  Sure, there’s some occasional posturing but even that only serves to remind me of this:

I’m sure there are multiple reasons for this.  Ok, not so much for the Pakistani boxer but for the democrats inability to stand up for themselves.  According to one study, democrats systemically favor compromise.  Honestly, that’s all right.  That’s how government happens.  But there’s a difference between compromising to keep the government running and compromising your basic principles.

Last year democrats finally showed some cojones when they jammed through the health care overhaul.  They looked for compromise, they worked with their republican colleagues to come up with something that both sides could appreciate but at the end of the day, they finally made a stand.  For that we can thank Obama.

And that’s the one thing that gives me hope in the current mess.  Sure, the democrats lost control of the House.  Yes, the republicans claim that they won’t stop pushing until health care is repealed and the US becomes some sort of Ayn Rand themed fantasy-land.  But like the health care debate, democrats only seem to find their backbone when Obama enters the fracas.  If recent microphone “slips” can be believed, it looks like the president might getting ready to once again ride that snake.

You know, I could deal with the Lions going 0-16.  At the end of the day, football isn’t life and death.  I don’t accept the democrats going 0-16 or even 2-14, though.  I’m just keeping my fingers crossed that Obama gets his colleagues to realize it’s time to win one for the Gipper.

-A