Tagged: Revolution

Keep It On the Field

A year ago the southern edge of the Mediterranean lit up with a rainbow of revolutions.  Tunisia, Libya and Egypt all rose up while even quiet countries like Morocco had to deal with protesters in the streets.  A year later, with real elections taking place across the region, it seemed like things might have finally settled down.  But after what happened in Egypt on Wednesday, maybe not so much.

Violence is a part of sports.  Even baseball, which tends more toward craft than collision, has its share of physical play.  I’m sure no one has quite forgotten the sickening crunch when Buster Posey went down last season.  Despite the uproar after the play, though, few people would deny that it was fair.  Unfortunate, yes, but fair.

The problem is that violence should stay on the field.  Athletes understand the inherent risks in what they do.  They’re also well compensated for it.  But ending up in a coma in the hospital after a game because you were wearing the wrong jersey?  That’s not a part of the game.  Ending up in a morgue in Cairo because you support the wrong team?  That’s not a part of the game.  What’s worse is that it looks like politics may have played a major part in the Cairo catastrophe and that should definitely not be a part of the game.

-A

A Reformulation and New Application of the Krause Doctrine

tigers_win.jpgTurns out I was wrong the other day.  Sure, invading the field and trying to win the World Series through people-powered revolution seems like a good idea.  It might even work.  However, it’s just too unwieldy and unsure a mechanism.  Actually, I should have been paying more attention while responding to the filibuster question because that shows the easiest, most direct route to victory.

See, if you just declare yourself the winner in the face of all facts and evidence to the contrary, who can dispute you?  You’ve already shown that you don’t care about “facts” or other peoples’ so-called “reality.”  No, real reality is whatever you decide it is.  In the case of Gbagbo, reality is that he won the election and the other candidate should pack it in and go home.  In the case of the Tigers, they need to stop paying attention to other teams’ and the league’s definition of “victory” and decide for themselves what it means.

Once you’ve created your own rules and then pick and choose which ones you choose to follow and when you choose to follow them, you can’t help but win!  Here’s an example.

I have now decided that that Tigers actually won the World Series in 2006.  Although the Cardinals may have scored more runs, several of those runs were due to pitcher errors that I don’t accept.  This in turn nullifies those runs making the final tally in the series 4 games to 1 in favor of the Tigers.  And yes, I think it’s appropriate to go ahead and have a victory parade now.  We can decide that it’s November of 2006 for a couple hours which will also help.

I plan to apply this to all Tigers games going forward and also to Michigan football.  I thought about using it for the Lions as well but I’m pretty sure that even this system couldn’t overcome the incredible assclownishness left behind by Matt Millen.

-A

P.S. Yes, I’m aware that Gbagbo was captured.  Doesn’t change the fact that his plan worked for several months.

Bringing the North African Experience Home

stadium_invasion.jpgI think I figured out how to get the Tigers into the World Series this year.  Revolution!

Ok, so the point of the article may have been that protestors in North Africa are still searching for outlet for their suppression and oppression over the past three decades.  But I took away something slightly different.  Let me quote here: “So Egyptians, especially younger ones that make up the typical soccer
crowd, know what crowds can accomplish, and have been emboldened by
recent people-power successes.”

My point is, if it can work in Egypt, why not here?  Sure, my call for a boycott of opening day may not have gained any traction but I think this new idea has more resiliency.  After all, Detroit has all the necessary components.  There’s high unemployment, disaffected youth and a generally corrupt government.  Kwame Kilpatrick anyone?  Why not take this unchanneled rage and use it for something positive?  A pennant and World Series for the Tigers would do the city good.

Here’s how it works, if I understand the Egyptian scenario correctly.  Your team is losing and you are unhappy.  You and a couple thousand of your closest friends storm the field and demand that the Tigers be given the victory or you will continue to riot.  In an effort to restore calm, the authorities (in this case the umpires) will have to choose between giving the Tigers the win or dealing with the caprices of the crowd.  Should be a pretty simple decision.  Really, it’s just one step removed from Jim Joyce’s admission of guilt following the Armando Galarraga almost perfect game.  Imagine if the crowd had stormed the field and demanded right then and there that he reconsider.  Problem solved.

Mind you, I’m not inciting violence.  I don’t want to see those colorful tigers at the entrance to Comerica Park uprooted nor do I want to see the seats turned into projectiles.  But if we’ve learned one thing from Egypt and Tunisia, it’s that people have power when they rise up as one.  Detroit, you know what to do.

-A

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 21: Mia Hamm’s Husband… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 2.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

To celebrate the beginning of the 2011 season Jeff and Johanna try to remember Mia Hamm’s husband’s name… he had a… played short… ah, nevermind.  Also, the fellas also jam about all things Opening Day, Prince Fielder’s belly, Jason Bay’s awfulness, new developments in Keith Carmack’s Pete Hill documentary, why the LOLstros are better than the Cubs and much, much
more… all to make you happy ending!

Holla!

– – –

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  Keith is has a very sweet creative hub of his own.  You should definitely check out what he and his crew have to offer. You can find it all at Undercard Films

– – –

Recorded Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 21: Mia Hamm’s Husband… and Other Stuff

rsbs podcast photo 2.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

To celebrate the beginning of the 2011 season Jeff and Johanna try to remember Mia Hamm’s husband’s name… he had a… played short… ah, nevermind.  Also, the fellas also jam about all things Opening Day, Prince Fielder’s belly, Jason Bay’s awfulness, new developments in Keith Carmack’s Pete Hill documentary, why the LOLstros are better than the Cubs and much, much
more… all to make you happy ending!

Holla!

– – –

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  Keith is has a very sweet creative hub of his own.  You should definitely check out what he and his crew have to offer. You can find it all at Undercard Films

– – –

Recorded Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 20: Utley’s Multiple Meniscuses… and Other Stuff

betty white and alf podcast photo.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

The proverbial (and literal) gloves come off in this verbal masquerade of utter ridiculousness and yes, injuries do occur (though mostly to Johanna and, since they are mental in nature, hardly noticed).  Among the topics of conversation one will find: Jeff’s wandering Forever 21 eyes, Zack Greinke’s ribs, the difference between a half and a full nelson, Cameroonian baseball, Bud Selig-bashing take 47 and much, much more… all to make you smile, laugh and play!

Holla!

– – –

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  Keith is all over the interwebz killin’ it.  You should definitely check out his crew and their subsequently hilarious podcast at Undercard Films.  And keep your eye out for what’s next.  Dude’s makin’ a movie!

– – –

Recorded Saturday, March 12, 2011

Three Up, Three Down

allen loves joe mauer.jpg
Just like Mr. Krause on a first date, this is gonna be quick, probably painful and
will most likely include more than one embarrassing revelation:

vote smart.jpgCHI-CITY POLITICKIN!

Today is election day here in the Chi.  Rahm.  Carol.  Chico.  Some other guy.  Those are your choices for mayor.  Oh… I mean, those are your Democratic party choices.  In this town, Republicans just hang out at the local deep dish joint and get fat, occasionally showing up to an event to slam a Democrat or two.  Such slams are rarely heard.  Like they say, if a tree falls…

And don’t worry.  When I showed up to vote this morning I didn’t let that pesky ghost of Ron Santo standing outside the polling center sway me.  And judging by the turnout (or lack thereof), I don’t think anyone else is voting him in either.

Some things never change… like…

MR. KRAUSE’S WAR!

So, will you or won’t you, dear readers?  Will you follow my jaded and oft lugubrious colleague, Mr. Allen Krause, to the trenches of a baseball-less existence… all to stick it to a guy (assuming Bud Selig does have proper male anatomy) who doesn’t care, who isn’t listening, who won’t get it anyway?  Are you really ready to stay home and watch Maury all day instead of batting practice?  Are you prepared to sulk in the reality that is a soulless sports sanctuary that includes *cough* the NBA and NHL?  You do know that this has nothing to do with forcing change (why bring it up just now after all these years?) and everything to do with misery loves company, right?

It’s true dear readers… and it’s all the fault of…

allen loves the tigers.jpgDRINKY MIGGY!

Who else is to blame for Mr. Krause’s sudden bout of revolutionary activism?  Why it can only be his beloved man-crush Miguel Cabrera, of course!  With Miggy’s er… uh… “issues” causing alarm throughout the Tigers organization, Mr. Krause knows that his team’s season could be well over before it even starts.  And that is why he is rushing to react, to draw in troops, to overthrow the baseball world so we all lose sight of Detroit slipping below Kansas City in the win column.

Believe it.  Or don’t.  Just don’t say you weren’t warned by someone in the know.

And… don’t hate me.  ‘Cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff