The last thing I want to do on this fine Saturday afternoon is give any more attention to bumspazz homophobe trainwreck Roger McDowell, but I am having problems dealing with the hate-induced rant that caused him to scream: “kids don’t belong in the (bleeping) ballpark!”
Sorry, McDowell. You are a bonafide jerkwad.
And a waste of our national pastime’s space.
Dude, kids ARE the ballpark.
And for me, thinking back to my childhood days… about the wonders of green astroturf lighting up my eyes on a breezy summer day, sharing a bag of roasted peanuts with my old man, reciting player tidbits I memorized from the backs of baseball cards… I smile now, just as big and just as bright as I did then.
Because life at home wasn’t always great.
My mom and dad didn’t love each other anymore. My sister and I were separated by 120 miles. And I had a penchant for being passive-aggressive… all quiet and bottled up until BOOM — someone got hurt.
At the ballpark — a magical otherworld where all of life’s problems were strictly prohibited — I could just be me.
I could just be a kid.
I could just be…
Hate me ‘cuz I make up words (sometimes), just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
Back and to the left, back and to the left…
Good afternoon gentleman, ladies and Allen.
Wanna get turned on whilst young children (maybe your own) are in the room?? Someone does!!
If you just woke up from a coma and realized that some Navy Seals in Pakistan just found Jimmy Hoffa’s body, you may have missed some of the greatest video ever known to man (until we get to see some grainy footage of a lunatic gettin shot in the eye).
Braves pitching coach Roger McDowell made some absurd homophobic slurs at some Giants fans in the presence of children the other day… because that would never happen at a mostly white male sporting event.
Usually these types of remarks come from someone who’s probably closeted in his own way… and from what I’VE heard, Roger McDowell could really smoke the fastball back in the day!!! Right????
THE HORROR!!! But wait!!!
The world has now benefited from some wonderful video conferencing, herein such…
But what I really want to talk about is the legendary Gloria Allred.
I have a feeling about how her meeting with her new client went down involving said bat:
“Look, here’s how this is gonna go: if you allow me to take this case pro bono, the press conference will go something like this… I’ll cradle the ****… stroke the *****… work the ****… and swallow the *****… Get it over here buddy let’s do this…”
What is in my head right now as I watch this? The hornswaggling bamboozelment of this sap (client) will be legendary. In fact, someday these kids will grow up and realize how much of a ridiculous piece of crap their father is.
I wish I had that weird District 9 prawn alien laser gun bazooka to blow her up into a million lawyer parts.
— Johanna Mahmud