Tagged: Ryan Dempster

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 29: Remembering Ugueth’s Urbina and Other Stuff

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

Jeff tries his darnedest to be as polite as possible during his unfettered gloating of World Championship status (Go Cards!) while Second City’s Mark Piebenga adds some level-headed awesomeness to Johanna’s outlandishness and Allen’s seasoned straight man routine.  Among the topics of discussion are “the greatest game ever”, the woes of rebranding an already twice championed franchise (talkin’ to you, Marlins), Theo Fever in the Chi, b!tch t!ts and much, much more!

Now grab some Crown Royal and enjoy yo’ self!

– – –

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack. Follow Keith on on Twitter and make sure to check out his crew and their gut busting Undercast! podcast.

– – –

Recorded Saturday, November 12, 2011

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 25: Audible Pantslessness… and Other Stuff

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

After a rough night of Pirate inspired debauchery, Jeff and Johanna clear the cobwebs (and police reports) to make room for special guest, Paul Lebowitz.  It doesn’t take long for them to get riled up as they touch on the evil FOX chimera Joe McCarver, Clint Hurdle’s Pirates, the White Sox’s diamond impotence and much, much more!

Check out Paul’s baseball blog, The Prince of New York, and also consider checking out his books, like the 2011 Baseball Guide (I’m using it to destroy my fantasy baseball foes right now).

– – –

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack. Make sure you follow him on Twitter!  And if you’re into raunchy stunts and Hooter chicks, make sure to check out Keith’s Undercast at Undercard Films!

– – –

Recorded Saturday, July 16, 2011

The RSBS Podcast, Episode 20: Utley’s Multiple Meniscuses… and Other Stuff

betty white and alf podcast photo.jpg

Click ME to Listen!!!

And so in this Podcast brought to you by Lifestyles

The proverbial (and literal) gloves come off in this verbal masquerade of utter ridiculousness and yes, injuries do occur (though mostly to Johanna and, since they are mental in nature, hardly noticed).  Among the topics of conversation one will find: Jeff’s wandering Forever 21 eyes, Zack Greinke’s ribs, the difference between a half and a full nelson, Cameroonian baseball, Bud Selig-bashing take 47 and much, much more… all to make you smile, laugh and play!

Holla!

– – –

Subscribe to the RSBS Podcast by clicking *HERE*

Subscribe via iTunes by clicking *HERE*

*Special thanks to our PodMaster Keith Carmack.  Keith is all over the interwebz killin’ it.  You should definitely check out his crew and their subsequently hilarious podcast at Undercard Films.  And keep your eye out for what’s next.  Dude’s makin’ a movie!

– – –

Recorded Saturday, March 12, 2011

That’s What “Z” Said!

michael scott.jpgSpring training is underway, folks, and that means it’s time for a Chicago Cub to say something outlandishly stupid!

In 2007, Carlos Zambrano predicted the Cubs would win the World Series.

They did not.

In 2008, Ryan Dempster predicted the Cubs would win the World Series.

They did not.

In 2009, Milton Bradley predicted the Cubs would win the World Series.

They did not.

So who will it be this year?  Will it be cockfighter extraordinaire Aramis Ramirez?  How about Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Soto?  What about newcomer Marlon “Gee, I Hope the Bleacher Bums Don’t Give Me the” Byrd?  And what if everyone keeps their mouths shut?!?

Worry not, dear readers, for staff “ace” (I guess being fat, lazy and hot-headed constitutes as being an “ace” even if you only win nine games) Carlos Zambrano got a head start on the stupid train last September when he vowed he would retire after 2010 if he had yet another poor season.

Uh… yeah.  Okay.  And Alfonso Soriano can hit a breaking ball low and away. 

Something tells me that even if “Z” does have another poor season (and I sincerely hope he does), he still isn’t that stupid to leave a guaranteed $55 million on the table, to walk away from the game.
 
carlos zambrano crazy.jpgThen again, this is Carlos Zambrano we’re talking about. 

So hate me haters ‘cuz ya love to hate, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I”m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Suppress Thy Sore Loser, Loser

alfonso soriano.jpgFor those of you Cubbie-lovin’ pipedreamers out there who still believe in that wretched mantra of “this is our year” — a mantra disproved over and over and over again — then I got another nugget of fact to help bring you down from that dark cloud of praise.

Paul Sullivan, of the Chicago Tribune, writes:

When manager Lou Piniella spoke to [Alfonso] Soriano last week in Pittsburgh and told him he would be
giving him a few more days off, Soriano said he understood. But Soriano
was miffed when he learned his name wasn’t in the starting lineup
Wednesday after he had a pair of hits Tuesday night.

“That’s why I’m mad,” Soriano said. “If he had told me yesterday, then I wouldn’t come today ready to play.”

Wow.

Did he really say that?  Let’s look again:

“If he had told me yesterday, then I wouldn’t come today ready to play.”

Yep.  He said it.  And yes, this proves it: Alfonso Soriano is an idiot.

Call me loopy, but if I were making $17 million a year to show up, ready to play baseball every day, then you could bet your behind I would be ready to play baseball — every day.  Starter or sub, leading off or in the eight-hole, you’re a goddamn professional baseball player, Alfonso Soriano.  You’re living a dream.  Okay, you’re living a nightmare, but still, it’s a dream and you should treat it as such.

Goats, black cats, Steve Bartman, decking Michael Barrett, Sori’s hop, Big Z’s hot head, Dempster’s celebratory broken toe, Zambrano vowing to lollygag, the defunct abomination that is Milton Bradley…

Is it any wonder that the Cubs continue to disappoint?

I know, I know.  Even I am beginning to think my Cub-bashing agenda has become hackier than hack.  Still, what has to be said has to be said because the pain is now inching into my personal life.

My nephew is almost one year old now.  While his mother (my sister and devout Cardinal fan) tries the best she can, still, having a Cub fan as a father has already begun to affect him with serious, damaging, negative results. 

Here’s what he looks like when his mom dresses him in Cardinals gear:

P1000865.JPGAnd when his Cub-lovin’ daddy takes over?  Much different story:

downsized_0709091926.jpgIn this devastating world of hurt, do yourself a favor and try to smile a little bit, my plebeian brethren.  See the light, wear the STL.

And don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeff

Why Not Invoke Thy Holy Goat?

bishop tom burns.jpgVerily!  Every baseball season I, Jeffery Lung, walk through the valley of the shadow of death… also known as Wrigley Field.

I have been punched in the back of the head.  I have been called a f^g.  I have been kicked in the legs while relieving myself in the men’s room in between innings.

I have been told my mother will rot in hell.  I have had beer thrown on me.  I have been spit on.

So it is certainly no surprise to me that a bunch of Wrigleyville yahoos placed a severed goat head atop the infamously scary Harry Caray statue on the corner of Sheffield and Addison yesterday.

The curse of the billy goat — still haunting the not-so-friendly-if-you-wear-Cardinal-red confines — lives on, dear readers; and apparently, people still take it seriously.  Very seriously.

They take it so seriously that they are willing to act like bigger a-holes than they are already perceived to be.  

But such is life as a “lovable loser”, I suppose.

Impressed was I last year, before the National League Division Series, when the Cubs went for a more subtle approach to ending their poor luck: praying to God.  After the Greek Orthodox Reverend Father spread holy water throughout the clubhouse, Ryan Dempster responded by quickly walking seven batters; and the Cubs went on to lose three straight lackluster games to the Los Angeles (perhaps Holy) Dodgers.

Guess God don’t like no posers, ya’ll.

I was just thinking, Cub fans: perhaps ye should combine thy wasted efforts into one successful go-for-all.  Call on Bishop Tom Burns and his iconic regimental mascot (a goat no less) to bless thy dump of a field in that oh-so-vigilante neighborhood and ask him to pray for your forgiveness — for all thy slander-slinging, grudge-grovelling and curse-coveting. 

Couldn’t hurt, right?

Well… nah… I just realized, when your fan base is more known for this…

…than winning baseball games, you really don’t have a prayer, do you?

Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.

Peace,

Jeffy