The Super Bowl serves as an excellent signpost for the “we’re almost there” point of the MLB offseason. Once the big game is over, I know it’s only a matter of days before pitchers and catchers report to spring training and some real baseball action presents itself. This is a good thing, particularly this year, because I am running out of episodes of Glee (don’t judge) and Breaking Bad to watch, and the Bulls don’t play every single day.
I wish they did!
In fact, this year, the NBA has done a fine job of keeping my attention. After a 10 year hiatus, all it took for me to care about the league again was a universal villain in the Miami Scheme Team paired with a plethora of explosive, young talent (Derrick Rose, Kevin Durant, Chris Paul, Blake Griffin, Russell Westbrook, etc.). It still doesn’t compare to the sensational grind of 162, but the kind of drama that creeps out of this modern NBA is as close to the old World Wrestling Federation as one can find in any legitimate league.
And, of course, there’s always this:
I know it’s Hydrox cookies in place of Oreos, but until the Oreo season gets started again, the Hyrdox highlights are taming my appetite for excitement.
Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
I think that picture just about says it all. Catch flying bat in one hand, gyroscopically protect beer in other. There’s a pretty good chance he impregnated the woman in front of him during the process, too, because when you’re that badass, nothing can stop you.
You know what else is badass? Tigers. Sure, you can make all the jokes you want about the 2008 team that started off losing way too many games to the Royals or the 2003 team that lost 119 games. The fact of the matter is, Tigers are badass. You want proof? How about a tiger killing a lion. Yeah. You don’t get much more badass than that.
Good journalism, though, means looking at both sides of an argument. I have presented you with my understanding of badass but it’s hard to judge badassness unless you have seen its inverse as well. You know, something that is not badass. For instance, this:
It may still be spring training, but the sCrUBS are already movin’ along at their regular pace. I was able to catch that feeling during Saturday’s spanking from the, er, lowly San Diego Padres.
Quade is the man for the job alright.
Any man who can sit through a butt-whoopin’ like that and not lose his cool definitely has what it takes to sit through another 80 or so butt-whoopins before the long, back-breaking season is over.
Hate me ‘cuz I point out the obvious, just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
And no, silly, this has nothing to do with Estonia joining the Eurozone, though I do admit, that Eurozone has a lot more going for it than just a snazzy name now that Estonia is in the mix! Look out European Union, ‘cuz y’all haven’t seen oil shale til you’ve seen Estonia!
No, what I actually want to tell you about is something I am still rather reluctant to report: I’ve… I’ve been watching… basketball.
I know, I know, I know… I gave up on basketball back before Charles Barkley ate Jabba the Hutt and I never, EVER, had any regrets. It’s an individual sport. A natural obsession for those with ADHD. An abomination of the thinking man’s game.
Yes, I still believe all of the above is true… but, it was a long, arduous baseball offseason for me and I got antsy and I was just begging for something — anything! — to get me to Spring Training and that’s when I saw…
I saw something… something special… something… MAGICAL.
His name is Derrick Rose.
Now I’m not going to go all John Kerry and flip-flop on y’all… but I am going to admit that I am willing to work with this here NBA thing a little bit longer. Because while the Kobe Bryants and LeBron James and Chris Boshes of the world may leave a sour taste in the mouth of public opinion, Derrick Rose is not just a budding superstar beginning to dominate the entire league, but he is also (as far as I can tell) a genuinely nice guy.
People like him. He’s cool. He’s just a kid having fun.
And I was at a game earlier this season where he did this:
I saw that and I just knew. I just knew, this kid is gonna kill the competition. And if you haven’t been paying attention to the NBA this year (again, I don’t blame if you haven’t), he is doing just that. In fact, I liken his domination to that of Albert Pujols: when I watch him play, I feel like I am watching one of the greatest who ever lived.
Soon, real baseball games will begin and my full attention will be focused on the boys of summer; but I can honestly say, for the first time since the Clinton administration, I will definitely be checking in on the Bulls’ playoff progress.
Don’t hate me. ‘Cuz I’m right.
PS, If you want to see three minutes and forty-four seconds more of Derrick Rose magic, check out this vid!
Two years ago, in order to quell our insatiable desire for all-things baseball prior to Opening Day, my woebegone and oft curt colleague (Mr. Allen Krause) and I decided to get our baseball fill through glorious song. Said gloriousness was achieved by lip-syncing “Crush” by David Archuleta.
It was da bomb.
And it played a major role in making RSBS a household MLBlog name.
Everything was perfect…
Sony had the video blocked. About a year ago. They claimed we shouldn’t be able to post the material because it was not our music. We acknowledged that — DUH — but retorted that ours fell under parody law, that we made no claim that it was our song. We gave credit where it was due and only asked that our interpretation of Archuleta’s hit be given a chance to thrive, because other baseball beserkers would find it consoling during the antsy prelude to the long season.
Somehow, the baseball gods were appeased. And “Crush” is back online.*
For all of our dear readers — new, old, barely breathing — please, enjoy the show!
And don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.
**Apparently, some folks outside the US may still have it blocked. So, uh… guess you better move to ‘Merica so you can see it.
In all the hype surrounding spring training we tend to forget one important thing. It’s really freakin’ boring. We want to love it because baseball is back after a long winter hibernation but when you’re dealing with split squads and guys trying to make the roster, it’s not exactly prime entertainment. It’s like preseason football. It gives you a taste of what’s to come but it just isn’t the real thing.
Unfortunately, life is filled with these types of things. You really want something to be great and you really remember it being great but then it’s here and it kind of sucks. Like summer. You spend all winter wishing for the warmth of summer but by the time you’ve sweated through your tenth shirt of the day, you wonder why you ever wished for that. Or you finally get a date with the girl who turned you down in middle school and when you make it in close enough to kiss her, you notice she has a mustache. It’s just wrong.
But I’m here to tell you there’s no reason to despair. Our long, national nightmare has just about come to an end. Soon, real baseball will be played in real stadiums and when the Nationals are 30 games back at the All-Star break you will know that everything is as it should be. Veronica up at the top, though, and her poop obsession? Even I can’t spin that one.
-Photo via Skull Swap