We live in a post-WikiLeaks world. Or at least that’s what I keep hearing. From what I can gather, basically this means that nothing you say or do can ever be assumed safe. Make a racist comment, someone somewhere probably overheard it and recorded it. Record a sex tape or even take a few racy photos and you can be sure they will make their way to the internet. Overstay your welcome at a friend’s house and wait for the video recreation on YouTube. That last one gets extra interesting when it’s meta-post-WikiLeaks:
By the way, try saying that five times fast. Meta-post-WikiLeaks… Meta-post-WikiLeaks… Menopause-we-gleeks… damn.
There are solutions to this problem. For instance, you can avoid Facebook, stop posting on Twitter and shut down your blog. But where’s the fun in that? If there’s no Twitter then there’s no hilariosity from Barry Zito. And of course no blogging means no RSBS. Heaven forbid!
Of course there’s always the simple solution. Don’t allow jackwads like Julian Assange and Bradley Manning access to your stuff, especially if it’s secret.
Welcome to the year of the revolution! Not yet 1/6 of the way through 2011, we have already seen dictatorships toppled in Tunisia and Egypt while other autocrats stumble to shore up support by various means. But what about back here in America? We watch the news and post Facebook messages in support of Egyptians and Tunisians but ignore the totalitarians in our midst. I for one think it time that we stand up and take back what is rightfully ours. And like all revolutions, we need to start by chopping off the head of the snake. Bud Selig must go!
To this end, I offer up the RSBS Twitter feed as ground zero in the revolution. When Selig takes down the blog to help protect his ill-gotten gains, we still have a rallying point. And make no mistake, he will try to silence the revolution. Take a look at the facts.
At this point Selig has been in power for almost 20 years, two decades in which he fiddled while baseball burned during the ’94 strike and ignored the nearly fatal excesses of the steroid era. He has reaped the rewards of a fundamentally flawed system even as the popularity of baseball wanes in the face of challenges from the NFL and Nascar (check out Bill Maher’s recent explanation here). King Bud has abdicated his duty and for that he must go.
Revolution is not simple and sacrifice is required. However, our sacrifice can also hit Selig and his cabal of cronies where it really hurts: the pocketbook. How do we do this? Well, imagine no one showing up on Opening Day, leaving the ballparks were empty while fans mill around outside chanting “Bud must go!” Sure, it sounds far-fetched but two months ago so was the idea that Hosni Mubarak would be chased out despite holding the reins of the state police and the military in his iron fist.
We know Bud’s sins. We don’t need WikiLeaks because it’s all out there, plain as day. We just need the spark that will ignite this conflagration. That spark is coming and in six weeks it ignites the revolution. March 31, 2011. Baseball’s Independence Day.
Don’t worry, dear readers, RSBS is on it. Sure, the WikiLeaks crew seems to be focusing their efforts on outing wrongs and ending wars, but don’t forget: a lot of these folks are US Americans (I think?) and after they solve enough military crises and torture pandemics, they’re gonna turn their attention to what really matters:
Luckily, for you, we have the inside track. Of course, such sensitive information doesn’t come easily, and It is important to remember that many RSBS interns perished in order to bring you the truth.
Please. Be respectful of that.
And do with it what you will. After reading the following information, I advise you to lock all the doors, close all the windows and drink some beer. You’ll feel better.
– – – WIKILEAKS CONFIDENTIAL; MLB FACTION – – –
Derek Jeter is being courted by the Red Sox. And he is listening.
The Expos are not dead. They’re frozen in carbonite until the Quebecois can be fooled into thinking they’re watching hockey. Almost there.
Peter Gammons is Gepetto. For real.
The Pittsburgh Pirates’ 1979 uniform combos were designed by embedded Russian spies hoping to kill the American public with ugliness. They almost succeeded… if it weren’t for that damn Sister Sledge!!!
Contrary to popular belief, Desmond Jennings is NOT Carl Crawford. The Rays are making a mistake.
Jon Hamm loves the Cardinals. (Oh, that’s not a secret? Of course not… everyone should love the Cardinals!)
The Cubs remain in a perpetual state of misery… because they can. Cubs fans keep coming back. For more.
Prince Fielder is prone to eating himself if left alone for more than 15 minutes at a time.
Yorvit Torrealba’s name spelled backwards is Ablaerrot Tivory, which looks like a Prussian hybrid name. But it’s not. It’s Spanish. Backwards. Try it. You’ll see.
We know what Jayson Werth did last summer… and it wasn’t Chase Utley’s wife!!!
– – – END CONFIDENTIALITY – – –
Hate me ‘cuz I get the facts. Just don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.