Change and I don’t get along too well. I remember when the Cardinals introduced the Sunday home game alternate cap — the navy blue one with the red bill and the profiled bird. I couldn’t sleep for weeks.
WHY?!?! WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS!?!? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE REGULAR CAP!?!?!
Things are better now; but living in Chicago, I became quite used to the kind of daily drama inherent in a city where Ozzie Guillen is employed. Now, with him gone, life is just… boring? I mean, Adam Dunn is hitting. Jake Peavy is pitching. The Cell hasn’t caught on fire.
What fun is that?
I miss the good old days — the days when the city stopped for the Crosstown Rivalry, the Windy City Classic. I miss seeing Sweet Lou bump bellies with umpires, AJ Pierzynski gettin’ cold cocked by Michael Barrett, listening to drunk frat boys explain the infield fly rule to washed out bimbos while double-fisting $7 Old Styles.
Is nothing sacred anymore?!?!
Until I see Dale Sveum and Robin Ventura do a rap song about bad contracts, I’m gonna have to think not.
MLB writer Scott Merkin got a little ahead of the times today in his story on how dandy it would be if the 2008 World Series became a Windy City Classic. Here we are, three weeks into a six month-long season, already breathing air into the pipe dreams of those who embrace cutesy coincidences. I don’t blame Scott for writing this story. The man has to eat and I expect that someone over at MLB in charge of selling fantasies pushed him to write another what-if speculation story to conjure up the dreams of the masses. But I can’t just sit back, smile and nod at these shenanigans. I have a real problem with uncreative, dainty MLB story lines that serve one purpose and one purpose only: to drive sales. I mean, come on… The I-70 Series? Seriously? Cardinal/Royal fans could care less.
And now we’re talking about a Northsider v. Southsider World Series.
Excuse me while I puke.
It’s April. April. April and we’re talking about the World Series already?
Would a Cubs/White Sox series be entertaining? Sure.
Would a Cubs/White Sox series be good for the city? Definitely.
Would a Cubs/White Sox series lead to senseless violence? You bet.
Is it too early to be bringing something like this up through the MLB newswire? Absolutely.
Save that intercity match-up story for the back-to-back weekend series in June. Then, and not until then, let’s see where the two teams stand. In June, I won’t be upset at seeing a flowery story about what-ifs and intercity rivals.
See, I don’t think Scott Merkin quite understands what kind of fires he has started in my neighborhood by writing this story so early. Mark Buehrle was exactly right when he said: “There would be a lot of fights and a lot of bad stuff…”. No kidding? When I moved to the Southside, the first question my new neighbors asked me wasn’t what’s your name, it was are you a Sox fan? with suspiciously violent eyes. Buehrle would go on to say there would be “good stuff” too, but let me tell ya, the bad will overtake the good and will steal the majority of headlines. You can count on that. Riots in the street, gang shootings, violence towards goats, these will all come with a Chicago WS because while Yankees and Red Sox fans hate each other, Cubs and White Sox fans want to kill each other.
If the two teams meet in October — which is such a far-fetched idea at this point that I am only commenting on it to seal up a thought — you’ll be able to find me in the Oppenheimer war bunkers under the University of Chicago with a six-month supply of baked beans and canned pineapple. I’ll be out in time to see the Bears’ allegiance to mediocrity. By then, most of the fires will be out, broken bones healed, and oxygen levels back to normal.
Or so I hope.
Don’t hate me ‘cuz I’m right.